Part IV: The Reformation

Go to Aug. 1
Go to Sept. 2
Go to Oct. 3
Go to Nov. 1
Go to Domestic Duties Jump Page

July 1

Well, things are not the same around here, that is for sure. I can't quite tell if it is because I have not had a cigarette in a couple of weeks or if I truly possess homicidal tendencies. All I know is that I wanted to log on, I couldn't log on, when I finally could log on I had so much mail that I wasn't about to give up my access for anything!! Somehow I liked myself better when I smoked. I didn't notice the residual garbage smell either. Come to think of it, I didn't notice much. I just sat here at the PowerBook and chain smoked while downloading, surfing and responding to email. I certainly didn't notice that I got 'wide' enough to need a back-up bell on me (the nice thing about sweats is they always stretch).

Of course I notice these things now while I am at the gym with my collaborator trying like Hell to keep from falling off a stairmaster or passing out in a cyanotic fit. I have two 'tents' that I can wear to the gym to work out in. I have yet to wash either of them for fear that they might shrink. It is not like I actually work up a sweat while I am busily wondering if I have any email or not. Sheesh!

July 2

Today was not my best-ever day. Today the Monk threatened to leave. In fact, he was damned-near packed when I looked up from the PowerBook. This was not funny. I can't explain this, but it was worse than shock. I never realized how much my collaborator means to me until he was almost out the door. The old saying is so true: you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. I actually logged off.

A truce has been called. Terms have been agreed upon. I didn't think the place was all that bad, but he can't stand it. He says he can still smell the place on his clothes when he is at the gym. I thought that was only true for cigarette smoke. He hates to come in here for fear of tripping on something. He insists this is the breeding grounds for the Sinister Force. I thought he liked to ride his bike. He tells me now it was to get out of the house so he wouldn't feel like the houseboy with more chores to do. Apparently there is always something to be cleaned. And here I thought quitting smoking was the ultimate sacrifice. Well, don't count on a list of "Things I Cleaned today" on this page... but there are changes in the wind. Oy Vey...

July 3

Today my collaborator and I decided to do something a little different. We decided to be tourists of sorts. It wasn't easy, but he convinced me that I could do it. He and I took a short walk n the Japanese Gardens downtown today. Actually it was really quite nice. Aside from the fiasco with the 3rd graders, I haven't been there in quite a while (read: Since I got jacked in) and it is one of my all-time favorite places. It is very calm. The only time I thought about email was when it started raining and we took shelter under the wisteria gate. That was about 10 minutes.

My collaborator was kind enough to endure a trip through the rose gardens as well. I figured as long as we were there... When we returned home there was a brief discussion about laundry (yep, my two 'tents' ended up in the wash) and my collaborator helped me create an alternate workout outfit for our trip to the gym. We spent quite a bit of time out of the house and it wasn't so bad, really it wasn't. Well, I say that now because I am back on-line... :)

July 4

Now today was not such a bad day either. I was up and at 'em early enough to actually make phone calls and log on. When the monk got up we did a few things around the house. It was a nice day so I opened all the windows and even boiled a bit of potpourri. We went in search of the vacuum cleaner. After about 15 minutes we found it in Stephanie's closet. Why it was in there I have no idea; I certainly didn't put it there!! Pleased by this discovery, the monk went out to Safeway to get some Carpet Fresh and some Lysol Spray Disinfectant/deodorizer. I snuck a quick peek at me email in his absence, but was busted when he returned. Hey! I had 22 messages!

Anyway, we went to the gym. I didn't mind so much since I had one of my tents back. You know, things do smell different when they come out of the dryer!! Besides, it makes going to the gym easier for me when I don't have to wear anything 'clingy' (since, let's face it, I am no more a Gym Babe than the monk is Arnold Schwarzenegger). After that I had to log on. there is only so much a girl can take!! I mean, let's face it. I haven't had a cigarette in weeks, I have been logging off to go to (ohmygosh!) a GYM and existing on Baked Beans!! The things we do for peaceful coexistence...

July 5

Well we have decided to make it a long weekend instead of the usual "Friday After a Holiday" (like there is anything usual about that). I had a few errands to do so I was able to get out of doing anything 'productive' around the house. My on-line hours have been drastically cut into though, as I seem to be out of the house more than I care to be in order to avoid any sort of domestic encounter. Hmmnn...

Of course this 'holiday' meant that the gym was on 'holiday' hours and closing at 5pm. Scrub the kitchen floor or treadmill??? For me, both cause me to say "Is there a cigarette break option?" Of course we were at the gym and then it was early dinner followed by walking outside. I was on-line late, but too late to run the vacuum or the dishwasher or do the laundry. Ahh, apartment living...

July 6

Today was a really lovely day. Really. I wanted to go lay out by the pool and get a tan, but the monk found me (This is difficult: If I am not logged on or in the bathroom and it is sunny out, YEP! I'm at the POOL!!) and gave me the look. You know, as a mom I can recognize 'the look' as it is part of a mother's arsenal. I was hoping I was immune to it, but apparently not. I started crumbling in almost no time. In a desperate scramble, I suggested that it was a lovely day to check out Saturday Market and the Cascade Blues Festival. Whew!! Talk about quick thinking!

We were downtown for most of the day/evening. It was really nice. I was preoccupied enough to not think about email but happy to not be trapped in the house. I mean, it has gotten to the point where I can't log on until 'things are done'. I need to go buy more paper plates I think. I am starting to get dishpan hands (something I had managed to conquer about 8 months ago!!). Sheesh!!

July 7

Today was the most lovely of all days. Summer has finally hit here in the Rainforest and you know what that means!! Yep! Dormant garbage smells bake to perfection!! Though I should have been out at the pool workin' on a non-existent killer tan, I knew I could never get that swimsuit on without enduring another session of 'The Look'. Knowing full well we needed to get out of the house before it was too late, I made a desperate suggestion; Day Trip!

First we went down to the St Benedictine's Monastery 40 miles away. It was lovely. I was at peace and enjoying the weather. Then my collaborator suggested we go to a computer store. On the way back home (which I am in no hurry to get to because I know that the dormant garbage smell {in remission} is far stronger than any Carpet Fresh. I can waste some time. Or so I thought) we stop at Incredible Universe. We bypass the home entertainment area to get to the computer section. There are literally rows, aisles, hundreds of computers there. Sure, they are all on. But can any of them access the Net?? NOOOOO!!!!!!! Who the hell CARES if they have Windows Solitaire??? I want to check my email!!!! I will never be talked into another computer store outing again... I would rather scrub the kitchen floor!! Well, let me think about that...

July 8

Well, it didn't really cool off last night so it got hot in here really fast today. That did not help the landfill smell. This morning I emerged from my room to see the monk sprinkling Carpet Fresh all over the furniture (which is black, I might add, and I have doubts about my vacuum cleaner's ability to rectify this situation). Undaunted, I logged on after making some coffee. Yes, we are back to caffeine. My collaborator decided to 'quit' coffee since I do not have a French Press and drip coffee is, well, so filtered. Since my collaborator is using my account to try every conceivable method of transferring his journal updates from his hard drive to his account (xmodem, zmodem, telnet, etc...) I have not been enjoying the access I am used to. Since he has all but given up hope of ever having access again, I was able to log on today. I stayed on-line all day.

I mean ALL DAY. I left briefly to go to the mailbox since it was getting so damned hot in here. I have noticed something disturbing. The monk gets way more mail than I do. Not that that's it, but what is bothering me is that my Victoria's Secret and Venus catalogs have 'disappeared'. Poof! Vanished. I used to get three to five of these things per week and mysteriously, none have been in my mailbox Hmmmnnn... all month. Hmmnn... I was about due for another order too....

July 9

Well, I should hope that catalog comes soon. I am not one to allow someone else to wash my foundations. Heck, I don't ... ahem. Well, it is time for another catalog. I need to place an order soon. I have a lot of time to think about these things since it has been quiet around here. Really quiet. Access is a very precious thing around these parts and, well, it is mine. I have been trying to share, really I have...

Of course, in the 'strain' of the situation I couldn't take the silence so I broke out the vacuum to try to lift the Carpet Fresh off the black couch and love seat. Hmmnn... not an easy task with an upright vacuum. I pulled a muscle in my shoulder/back. So much for cleaning!! One could seriously injure themselves with this nonsense!!!

July 10

Well, after a not so comfy night of sleeping with a backache, I decided to log on early. Of course this woke up the competition for access. I decided to be congenial and share (since typing was killing my inflamed shoulder). That seemed to smooth some ruffled feathers. It also got my 'vacuum that mess off my couches' project completed for me. Just as it looked like I was going to be recruited into cleaning something else I made a desperate suggestion: Picnic!!

So off we went. There was a concert at the zoo and I grabbed some things out of the fridge (most of which were on the verge of becoming science projects anyway...does this count as cleaning the refrigerator??) and threw them into the picnic basket. Whew!! I barely escaped a domestic encounter!! Of course we got back too late to try to clean anything.

July 11

It was a gorgeous day today. It was a HOT sunny day (read: aromatic) so I didn't have much trouble convincing my houseguest that a day trip to the coast might be a good idea. That was, until we got into my car.

Now mind you, there is nothing really wrong with my car. Heck, there is no real reason to complain as long as one is in one of the two front seats (well, at least that is what I think). Apparently not an opinion shared by my collaborator. He was not pleased by the stuff in the backseat in the way of packing in the picnic basket, etc. He suggested I open the trunk and I said "No, this should be fine" (since I already know what the trunk looks like). He did not want to mess around with all the stuff in the back seat and popped the lid on the trunk. Not good. This was the beginning of the end of our outing. He stared for a moment then just slammed the trunk shut. He returned to the back seat, grabbed an armful of stuff and took it off to the dumpster. At least there was room for the picnic basket now. Not room for much conversation though... Hmmmnn.....

July 12

Situation resolved over the coast drive yesterday. Not resolved really well, but let's just say I am really trying to make concessions. REALLY I am. I even made dinner tonight, not just something fast-foodish either. That's the good news.

The bad news is that the stove was not really in any condition to be cooking things in. That became apparent when the monk took the dinner out of the stove for me. Uh-oh, I forgot about that Easy-Off. I did wipe off the outside of the stove (various times and finally revealed most of the original white color) but I forgot about the inside. Easy enough, I never USE the inside!! Anyway, he was trying to be helpful when he turned on the automatic controls for the Self Cleaning Oven (YEP). It was about 3 minutes before we had tears in our eyes from the baking Easy-Off. We had to leave for a while until the place aired out. Well, at least I didn't have to clean anything!!

July 13

This morning when I woke up I found T (OK, let's make this easy; in lieu of 'my collaborator' or 'the monk' I am going to refer to my houseguest as 'T') out on the terrace. Apparently he chose to sleep out there last night for a number of reasons (the first being the heat, the second being the smell and the third being his eyes burning from the cooked Easy-Off). Well, I wasn't going to argue with him. It became hot very quickly today and it was a good thing I woke him when I did or he would have burned out there for sure. Trust me. All my plants are sticks!

Speaking of which, T later commented that I should "Try my hand at a cactus garden". Hmmnnn... wonder why?? Anyway, it was way too hot to cook tonight so I took all the rest of the edible food out of the refrigerator and put it on a placemat on the table with a rose in a bud vase and called it a 'Buffet'. The nice part of this was that there were no dishes used, just plastic (recyclable) forks and spoons and the containers the food was in. Fortunately T washed all those out anyway afterwards. I think this is because it will be hot again tomorrow (and, sleeping out on the couch he will be the first to smell the effects of the heat on the dirty dishes!)

July 14

It was still hot today. I was not impressed. It was so hot that I didn't want to be in the house, I wanted to be in my car. The car has air conditioning. What it did not have was a left turn signal. I had replaced all the bulbs (back when I did the brake light switch) and still there was a short. This was annoying to me (I have this thing about left turns, best saved for a future rant). T, seeing that I was about to melt (and, melt down) was feeling helpful. I guess this is a guy thing, but he fixed the turn signal for me. I was so pleased. Not only did he fix the turn signal, but he also 'removed' quite a few unnecessary items from the back seat (and recycled them).

This was so wonderful!! Not wanting to drive around all day (and contribute to the smog issue developing here in the rainforest) and refusing to go to a Mall (yet another rant), we decided to go to the gym, which is usually air conditioned. I say usually because so far it has ALWAYS been air conditioned. Not today! They were replacing the carpeting so the doors were open, the AC was off and the smell of burning seam tape was eroding my eyeballs where the cooked Easy-Off left off!! I didn't even have to work out to work up a sweat! So much for that idea!

Anyway, all seemed normal when we came home. I have to mention something here... about a week ago we came home from the gym and there was a big yucca plant on my front landing. No note, no nothing, just this plant. Not knowing what to do with it, I left it there (since my neighbor who spray painted my arborvitae thinks I kill plants). It has been flourishing for a week now. I ran into the neighbor yesterday and he said "I see you have a new plant." "Do you like it?" I asked. He tells me he and his wife have a bet to see how long it takes me to kill this one. Gee, thanks. It is a cactus... OK, so we have been home for about an hour, the windows are open, the blinds are up, the non-existent breeze is being coerced by the desk fan to circulate through the apartment. T opens the front door to go down to his car and asks "Where did you put the plant?" Sure enough, the yucca is gone, as mysteriously as it appeared. Go figure....

July 15

I have got to say that my houseguest is a genius!! Not the astrophysical-laws-on-his-lunch-hour-before-designing-the-Howard Roark-version-of-all-miniature-golf-courses-type genius but atrue genius!! As if the turn signal and cleaning the car thing yesterday wasn't enough to make a girl feel special, today was the paramount of sensitivity! Today we stopped at Target (because one of my girlfriends is having a baby and is registered for shower gifts there). T picked up some Colored, Scented trash bags for me!! In pinks and flower scents!! Say what you will, but to me that was the pinnacle of sensitivity, the finger on the pulse of what really makes me tick. I can't WAIT to use them!!! See what I mean by genius??

Of course this meant that I HAD to make a wonderful dinner tonight. Not just because he did all the dishes for me earlier, but because I was able to break out the lavender garbage bags and start filling them! Sure, some of the stuff will be recycled, but in the meantime the rest of the garbage will have a wonderful place to reside. I am sure he is hoping it will also have a tougher time making his eyes water. I have the most wonderful houseguest on the West Coast for sure. :)

July 16

The day started out beautifully. I slept late, and T did nothing to disturb my slumber. When I did finally emerge from my room, the kitchen was spotless; all the dishes were done and the recycling was taken in. He had even waited on making coffee so I wouldn't be awakened by the smell! Somewhere around noon we were talking about flowers and (as he refers to it) 'my diabolical plan' to have more flowers around the house.

I had a few errands to do and when I came back from doing so I found flowers in various places around the home. Apparently he had searched for (and found) the vases and filled them with flowers. This was wonderful! I love flowers (though I have a difficult time growing them). He did this because he knew I was planning on 'picking up' some bedding plants and potting them on the front landing. I guess he was concerned about the mess I might make (since last time I potted them in the kitchen). Either way, the flowers are fragrant and wonderful!! This caused me to clean out the cabinet from which the vases emerged. I felt I had to, since there was stuff still on the counters from his search (well, it was more of an excavation). I also felt the need to clear off all the tables and flat surfaces he placed flowers on in order to fully enjoy the tranquil beauty he had brought into my home. Hmmnnn.... he sure did bring in a lot of flowers, now that I think of it... that, or he managed to locate a whole bunch of flat surfaces. For this extra special treat I had to make his all-time favorite meal tonight. Yep, the Festival of the Beans!!!

July 17

It has been a cold, wet rainy day today. Hey! This is JULY!! What's up with this?? Hmmnn.... anyway, it was just a perfect day to spend indoors webbing. All day. ALL DAY. That was all I wanted to do and all I did do. Well, for the early part of the day anyway. My surfing extravaganza was truncated by 'The Look' around 1pm. I wasn't too sure if it was the 'You have things you could be doing around here' look or the 'I need to upload my page' look. I cleared up the email cache quickly and just then I was greeted with a nice waft of the smell of roses... ahhh! Potpourri!! I asked T if he needed to use my modem, why yes!! Of course!!

In the interim, I went to the store and got some things (AKA: Dinner). I figured it would keep me out of the house long enough for him to upload his journal AND to avoid any housework. When I returned home the journal was up and the house smelled like roses. It was all warm and fuzzy in here, almost too nice to leave to go to the gym (but, just in case someone got restless, we went to the gym anyway. HEY! You never know when the old "You know, this could use a polishing' might come up!!)

July 18

It was yet another cool rainy day. This is becoming a trend I think. Not that I mind, when I am alone, but when someone is here to observe me it becomes very clear just how content I am curled up in front of the PowerBook. Fortunately I had an appointment which took me out of the house for a short while. Well, it was supposed to be a short while. I was supposed to be back for lunch and didn't get back until 4pm. I was starved and had not eaten since cereal (Breakfast of Surfers Everywhere!) this morning. T was kind enough to wait for me. He had purchased two 'genuine imitation' Tombstone-like pizzas (the question is, 'Just how artificial can artificial get??') for when I got home. I was famished when I came through the door.

Thanking him for his patience and understanding (Hey, even monks get hungry!!), I preheated the oven and tore the packaging off the pizza and placed it on a cookie sheet. When I went to place it on the center rack I got the surprise of my life... THE DAMNED EASY-OFF WAS BURNING AGAIN!! I had completely forgotten to wash it out the last time, being so glad to get the smell out of the house. I was so hungry I was almost in tears when T suggested we cook it 'by the slice' in the toaster oven. What a wonderful man... here I am feeling stupid and starved and about to go ballistically irrational and he just calmly suggests the slices. Such a genius. Would someone PLEASE remind me to clean out the stove once it cools off???

July 19

Friday, finally!!! I had to make the Big Hike to Sandy today (this is about 40 miles one way) and I was hoping to be back in not too long. Oh no... Let's just say the day after Alan Greenspan makes an 'announcement' is never a good day in my industry. UGH! It was another day of not eating, not happy, not on-line. When I finally got home, I was famished once again. I was busily stuffing things down my gullet when T came in (returning from taking his computer for a walk) to catch this lovely sight. Hmmnn...

Wanting to change the 'subject' quickly, I suggested we go to the gym right away, using the old "I have a lot of aggression to work out" routine. I threw on some sweats and quickly scribbled a note and threw it on the stove. "What was that?" T asked. I told him that for fear of a repeat of yesterday, it was a reminder for me not to use the stove until I had wiped it out. He calmly opened the oven door and LO! The oven was beyond spotless, it looked brand new!! It still does, as I'll be damned if I am going to cook in it and make a mess in there!! It seemed like a baked beans kind of night anyway....

July 20

You know, I have the most wonderful houseguest on the entire West Coast, if not in the whole world. I had to open the oven this morning just to make sure this wasn't some weird dream I had last night. Nope, for sure, it was spotless. Unbelievable!! Hmmnn... well, so it is a leisurely Saturday and I am kicking back, having a so-so sort of day answering a ton of email. I have my coffee. The stove is clean. The email is done so I am surfing now. Hmmnn... great time to do my nails. Especially since I won't be trashing them scrubbing out the stove!

Telnet seemed slow so I wrenched what was left of my new nail bag that got stuck in the remnants of my old nail bag up on top of the fridge (I discovered that a lot of the so-called 'cleaning' that happened here during the Intervention Fiasco was hardly what I would have called cleaning in my old Donna Stone days... mostly things just got put away). I picked out a color and started my manicure. Paint a nail here, click there, the usual operating procedure. I was so wrapped up in what I was doing that when the monk returned I was startled and knocked the bottle of WineBerry Frost over, which splattered onto the disk drive. FREAKED, I tried to get the polish off the side of the beloved PowerBook but in doing so I further knocked the bottle of nail polish off the table and onto the floor. I did not notice the damage until T, staring at me quizzically, asked what the fuss was about. I just burst into tears. Oh, the poor PowerBook!!

July 21

Well, there are a few problems to report from yesterday's fiasco. First, the PowerBook is not just grey anymore (Uh-oh...). I think the disk drive still works, but I am afraid to try it. There is WineBerry Frost polish in my dining room table, the chair, the wall and the carpet. Mostly the carpet. How could such a small bottle cause so much color? It never comes out of the bottle on the BRUSH that readily!! Oh well...

I broke out the nail polish remover and started to wipe off the table with a soaked cottonball. Seemed to work OK on the glass. I poured a bit onto the spot on the carpet to loosen up the hard lacquer and started scrubbing away at the chair in the meantime. I think I made that situation worse, as it seems to have only spread the WineBerry Frost color into the material. I hope I have better luck with the... OH S**T!! The entire piece of carpet, well, polish AND carpet just lifted off the floor to expose, um, floor. Great. Now I have a two inch hole in my carpet with a little reddish trim around it. I think I will just paint over the wall. Oh, why bother???

July 22 (Happy Birthday Michelle!)

It was yet another scorcher here in the rainforest. I'm telling you, if it isn't damn near freezing then it is sweltering (last week we had our all time temp low for July at 52f... that was during the DAY!). Of course I had to go out in the heat today, but that was somewhat OK since the car has AC... well, after you get it going. Anyway, I found myself out of the house for a good portion of the day, thus, not much got done on the domestic level. At least, not by me.

In my absence, my collaborator worked his magic once again. When I got home I was reminded of the ordeal yesterday as I turned the key in the door lock and noticed that two of my fingernails were sans the WineBerry Frost. Ugh. I was compelled to look over to where the damage was done yesterday, much like the morbid compulsion of looking at the scene of a gory car accident. ??? I stepped in and looked closer. Where IS it? I know I lifted about a 2" section of carpet right out of my floor, yet the carpet looked undisturbed. Just then T walked in behind me. I asked him about the carpet. He said "Oh, that... I fixed it." He certainly did!! Demi Moore may have beaucoup bucks and a Guru, but I have a monk that can fix ANYTHING and I wouldn't trade for the world!!!

July 23

It was hot early this morning. It was so hot we couldn't even drink coffee. I was happy to go to work today, as I toted the PowerBook with me and enjoyed their air conditioning for a while. Of course I had to tolerate the "tie-dyed computer?" razzing.... UGH!!! That's OK... access in AC made it all worth it, until my least favorite person walked in (remember the abruptly shortened phone cord??). I decided it was time to go play in traffic, air conditioned traffic. I have discovered that the only time sitting in traffic (or I should say traffic jams) has no effect on me is when it is really hot. I am sure this would not be the case if I did not have AC in the car.

Anyway, when I got home it was much like going through the Gates of Hell. Even my cactus is dead. Talk about hot. OY!! There was no way I was going to cook tonight. I decided that we had to eat cold food. The problem was that there is very little in the house that does not need cooking. AHA!!! Situation resolved... we are having a box of Otter Pops for dinner tonight!!

July 24

The heat has not let up and I am out of Otter Pops. What am I going to feed my houseguest today?? This definitely rates as a dilemma. I was tempted to call Dominoes, but after the 'Tombstone' incident there is a sort of queasy look I get when I mention pizza. Hmmnn... too bad, as it has been, for the most part, an on-line sort of day. Oh well.. I should be grateful that I got to spend over 7 consecutive hours on-line.

Since it was too hot to cook during the dinner hours (Heck, it was too hot to be in the house all day!) I suggested the gym in hopes that maybe we would just aim for Burger King afterwards. No such luck!! Back at the ranch I am slingin' steaks onto the indoor electric grill (people who know me won't allow me to purchase a gas or charcoal grill). Seems OK until the phone rings. Sure enough, I am chit-chatting away with Jeff C. and the smoke alarm goes off because I am burning dinner. And burn it did!! See why I never log off?? This sort of stuff happens whenever I cut my connection. At least T was gracious enough to eat the steak (after holding it up to one of his sneakers and 'fitting' it over a hole in the sole!). Burger King tomorrow night FOR SURE!!!

July 25

Ugh! you give, you take, and all in the Big Scheme of Things you stop to wonder "Why?" I would carry on about the day (hot) the 'joie de vivre' of being on-line most of the day (in the stifling heat, but HEY! It's access!!) but none of that matters now.

Yep, the bad news came just a short while ago. The PowerBook has to go home. It's younger counterpart, the 520c, took a hit and it's Original Parent (AKA The PERL Wizard) needs it to continue to work while the 520c is in the 'hospital'. We all wish the 520c well (as I won't have access until it is better and its 'Daddy' returns). A moment of silence, please. ... Oh yes, and one other thing. Never try to clean a notebook computer with nail polish remover... not even the non-acetone kind. Just trust me on this one.... See you in about a week !!

OK, really it is Aug 7th but I am not about to change the tags. Forgive me, but I am operating on a 2400 Baud modem installed in Steph's i286. She will be thrilled, I am barely able to control the shaking. I have to reconstruct from memory what has transpired in the last week and a half. Please bear with me.

At first it wasn't too difficult. Of course I was a bit late getting over to the Wizard's to drop off the PowerBook for its week-long journey (now in extension due to a part that didn't make it in on time before the Wizard had to take off for yet another Part Unknown). It wasn't easy, I sat next to the case for about half an hour before I was 'distracted' away from the case; while my attention was turned it was whisked away. With a whimper I left.

The next day was difficult so I went to the Habit. There's only so much coffee a person can drink and I was concerned about the email piling up. Little did I know... Sorry I didn't update then, but I hadn't been home to make any messes. There was a rather terse email from the Wizard regarding 'that purplish stuff' all over his PowerBook... OOPS! I forgot to mention that to him...

The following day was lovely; a reader of both mine and my collaborator's came down from Seattle to visit and we played Tour Guide. Just talking about the computer, URL's etc... was calming enough and the company was marvelously pleasant! The day was all-around wonderful.

It starts getting fuzzy in here as the lack of access started clouding my thoughts. Actually, it took over my thoughts completely. I needed a fix and I was desperate. By Wednesday I went over to a buddy's and logged on. Well over 100 pieces of email and counting. I blew out about 65 of them and left when my buddy said "Hey, can I use my computer now?" Sheesh.

I must say there are times when a person has to stop and take a moment to appreciate what they have. Take the monk. What a truly wonderful wonderful friend I have! He has been so kind and patient and supportive through this whole ordeal. He even tolerated my insipid whining. Still there was no homicide (though I am sure no jury would have convicted him). After days of this lethargic "I need access" whine he came to me with an idea. I believe it was instigated by one of his midnight cleaning forays (I keep noticing the living room is just a bit different every morning when I wake up... nothing I can put my finger on, but it just seems less cluttered). Apparently he found Steph's i286 under a pile of, well, under a pile. He suggested we find an old 2400 baud modem and some ProComm to see if we could get it up and running. This project took us about 4 days.

I have said this before and I will say it again; you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. How often have we taken for granted what we have, always wanting more, not realizing what we would miss if we did not have what we have grown so used to (ie: taken for granted).I am now up and running, much thanks to the monk. It has been a hard learning experience for me. No details, just suffice to say that we should all take a moment to be very thankful for what we DO have, not whine about lacking what we think we want.

Aug. 7

So, having made it through another 150+ emails and gotten a bit back up here, I went to wash the car. I drew a crowd. 'Nuf said. I will also note that I have had quite a bit of neighbor traffic the last week or so as well... seems everyone thinks there is a 'man in my life'. No, there is a monk in my living room, but that sure doesn't stop the rumor mill. Oh well....

Aug. 8

Today was a very hot day. It reminded me of a short story by Harlan Ellison I once read (in a compilation titled "Shatterday"). The premise of the story was that two fellows were researching a theory that when temperatures rose (particularly to 92f) people were more susceptible to hostile and violent behavior. I'll let you read the story yourself (it is good reading) but the temperature today was 92f...

OK, it started this afternoon when I tried to balance a the fan on the neatly arranged pile of stuff that T had taken off Steph's computer in order to get it running. My attention was turned to the computer and getting connected. First the fan slid off the top of the pile causing all the other stuff to fall after it. Of course in this house that's not enough... the fan, now on it's side, was blowing things all over the room. I was too busy getting my logon process going to notice and that's the very moment that T walked in the front door from an errand. Paper wasn't the only thing to hit the fan after that!!

Aug. 1

Well, it looks like I might have been in the doghouse for a while had it not been for some quick talking. As soon as I was aware of what was going on with the fan I jumped to try to correct the situation. I sort of made it worse knocking over my iced tea in the process (Good Earth, the BEST!). That's when T sorta 'went over the top'. He stormed back out (in the quiet storm that monk's use... no sound, no slamming doors, but you know you don't want to be underfoot) and left me to my own devices.

I heard my AutoLoad process beep away (sort of the way computers do in movies... I think all screenwriters use an old i286 or something) and saw that I had a bunch of email. No time for this mess! In a flash of brilliance I dashed out to the storage closet on the terrace and scavenged through to find an empty box. Took me a while because I did find all of my Tupperware (dirty), some socks, books, sweatshirts, a bunch of Steph's stuff and what's this?? My corkscrew!!

I did not have time to reassess the repercussions of the 'Failed Intervention Fiasco' (Hey! The only time I use the storage closet is to put empty boxes in there or retrieve beer bottles for bottling home brew!), I just grabbed my corkscrew (which is NOT on a short chain) and dumped the contents of one box into another and ran back into the living room. My terminal had just beeped another 'incoming email' beep. I dropped the box, ran past the mess to the kitchen where I grabbed a towel and threw the corkscrew into the drawer. I ground the towel into the wet carpet with my foot while shovelling armloads of stuff into this box. Once the box was filled (well, overflowing) I took it back out to the storage closet and shoved it in there. I was just finishing up with my email when T came back to see only the towel on the floor. Hey! Gimme a break!

Aug. 12 (Happy Birthday MJ!)

It was a lovely weekend in Seattle. T and I went up to visit with a reader of ours who was willing to play tour guide/host for our adventure. We had a lovely time. The weather was hot and the sun shone brightly. Not a care in the world that the carpets weren't being frightened by the vacuum cleaner and an ice cube's chance in Hell that I would be asked to clean up anything at Kevin's (our host)! That was, until we got home...

Of course we procrastinated long enough to make the trip damned near dangerous driving home (you know when you are having too much fun to leave?), but the Perseid Comet belt provided enough entertainment/interest to keep us from falling asleep at the wheel. We thought for sure we should see more shooting stars! Well, we got our chance... There were some Keta Salmon remnants in the garbage when we left and the weather was a challenging 98f; windows closed, no breeze. Nothing to aid the Country Garden scented green garbage bags in the battle against the rotten fish smell. When T and I got home it was quite a surprise. We had been thinking about crashing but not after that!! Even closing my bedroom door didn't help and there was no way T was going to sleep in the living room. We opted to stay up way too late and count shooting stars. Thank Heavens for the astronomical amusement!!

Aug. 13

We decided that when it did come time to return we would need a plan. Yes folks, a plan. As Roger Penske once said (and swears by) "Preparation, preparation, PREPARATION!" Plan A: We get some cans of Wizard Air Freshener (two cans each, one for each hand) and bust in here like Butch and Sundance comin' outta the bank in Brazil. That was OK for about 20 seconds, or until we realized that there was no fresh air for either of us to breathe. Back outside the front door we are trying to come up with Plan B. This requires some SERIOUS distraction so we are at the VR Cafe in Beaverton trying on some new remote access for size. Hey! It could be a while before we can get back in my house!!

Aug. 14 (Happy Birthday Cyndi!)

Today it was still hot. We spent most of the day out of the house (for obvious reasons). The blinds were all up, the breeze in absentia. The worst part was that all of my plants have died. Not just the ones out on the terrace and front landing (those 'bought it' over the weekend, something we were discussing between shooting stars and yes, the subject of cacti as the perfect plants came up again)... all of my plants are dead. The ones inside just gave up as well.

Who could blame them? Between the smell, the dust, the neglect (read: no water for weeks) and the blistering heat, they just all decided to go together, Jim Jones style. Actually, I think they all would have welcomed a drink of any sort... but I was talking group dynamics here; mass suicide. Ah well, one less 'project' to take me away from surfing :)

Aug. 15

This morning T got an idea that we should try to look at the shooting stars again this evening. At least that is what he offered as an excuse for his current project. When I looked over from the i286 (no, no PowerBook yet, I am in a corner reading everything via lynx and I think I am going blind. I can't even load things faster because of this slow modem!!) he was carrying terra cotta pots of dirt and plant skeletons off the terrace (carefully) through the living room and out the front door to the landing. He did this several times with a little 'ahem' each time he passed by me. After about six of these trips I got up to see what he was doing.

He had made a few stacks with the pots. I was just about to ask him about this when my next door neighbor came up the steps. Before I could think of anything he said "Haven't you killed enough plants yet? There ought to be a law..." while shaking his head side to side. I was speechless with the proof sitting in front of me, circumstances absent for my defense. Before I could muster up even a comment he continued "Please, don't kill another plant in front of us. It upsets my wife so much." Which got me to thinking... what did happen to the mysterious Yucca Plant????

Aug. 16

Well, after that harrowing experience with my neighbor I felt the need to get outta here quickly. T suggested a nice long walk to the 7-11 to get a Slurpee. I should point out here that in my 23+++ years I have NEVER 'enjoyed' a Slurpee but the timing was right for me to consider the suggestion. Off we went. All I can say is, well, it beats an Orange Julius by a mile, and that is not saying much (obviously I had the Minute Maid Orange flavor). I'll stick to my regular fast food joints, thank you.

When we returned from the exhausting walk (uphill both ways). I was not in the mood to address the issue of the pots of dirt piled on the front landing. I just walked past them and pretended to be interested in the nifty spoon design of the 'Official' Slurpee Straw. Yep, that feigned interest got me in the door past yet another access denier. As if I am not having enough trouble with all these weird control characters popping up on my screen, I need a dead plant project to tear into my on-line time... AS IF!!! Sheesh!!!

Aug. 17-22 (to the best of my recollection :)

OK, so I made it for a day with that plant thing. Don't think I was able to avoid it for very long though!! I have to point out here that this has all been very difficult/trying for both me and the monk! I mean, there are quite a few things to consider here... I quit smoking. I started trying to be more conscientious about neatness (don't start with me! I swear I don't even OWN half of those shoes behind the front door!!!) and other things, but I guess old habits are hard to break. T has been very patient through it all; even though he is a neat freak he has done his very best to tolerate this existence for a summer.

Among other things (dishes, carpets, et al...) the computer...THE COMPUTER!! I should say, the modem. It is very sensitive. I think that every time someone tries to call me the garbage on the line ( some sort of cancel-call-waiting interference I would speculate with absolutely NO credibility to do so!) shows up as all sorts of weird control characters... it has frustrated me to the point where I don't even want to get on-line because this keeps happening every time I try to update my journal...sheesh!! Not that I am busily cleaning anything around here, but the monk would prefer it if I did... he can only rescue so many utensils from the garbage!! He recycles... I buy new. Cheap, but new.

Which brings me to this: it has been a very wonderful and rewarding summer. I have solidified a very precious friendship with someone who a year ago was merely the author of a journal I read. Today he is one of my dearest friends. We have collaborated on a novel together (have more projects in the works) and shared many wonderful experiences together. Sadly, his visit here with me is drawing to a close in a few days. It will be a very long time before we see each other again (if ever) and only the USPS to hold our friendship together. I took T up to Timberline today. After lunch we hiked all the way up to the Palmer Glacier (at the top of the mountain) and looked down at the Cascade Range below us from the near summit of Mt Hood. As I snapped the last photo on the disposable camera I realized that I had the sum of our summer experiences on this roll of film. A somewhat sick feeling came over me as I tried to bite back the tears; I dared not let the summer end for me there though the reality of the close is near. All to near. I can't wait to see the photos... I have only a few days to share them with my collaborator (of COURSE I will make two sets!) and maybe get more memories made. Please forgive me if I don't report on the domestic 'faux pas du jour' for a few days. Thanks. :)

OK, we are really testing my memory here, so bear with me. I could bore you with all the little details of this last week and a half, but there are quite enough BIG ones to try to keep in order for you. Aug 23: I decide to make French Onion Soup. Hey! onions were cheap and there are only SO MANY beans a girl can eat!! This all seemed like a wonderful idea until the swiss cheese (no gruyere available) started to melt all over the freshly scrubbed looks-like-new stove. Uh-oh. It was touch-and-go there on the departure date there as the cheese started to bubble dark brown on the floor of the oven. T stayed long enough to enjoy the soup, which (I guess) came out well enough to justify the newly made mess. At least I know better than to spray Easy-Off in there!!!

The next morning the stove was clean again so I felt it was only necessary to reciprocate by getting the plant issues dealt with. To my surprise there was a baby Yucca sprig coming up from the base of the dead trunk in the pot. JOY!! I can't wait to show my neighbor!! Unfortunately that meant the Arborvitae will have to suffer a bit longer root bound in its pot. Oh well...

Monday morning I woke up and had some coffee. Not too awake yet, I went back into my bedroom to get something out of my closet (I can't remember what and now it is really not important). SQUISH!! Apparently my hot water heater has broken in some way because there is wet carpet in my closet. All of the 'stuff' in my closet was saturated as well. I have lots of those printed cardboard storage boxes filled with leather belts, silk scarves, etc... (girl stuff) from 'the old days'. Yick. I called the monk for some help.

Mind you, he has not stepped foot into my room all summer. He has no reason to, and I am courteous enough to keep the door shut. I have two full baths here. Anyway,judging from my yelps for help, he came in, approaching somewhat reluctantly. He stood about a foot into my room and said "Geez..." I snapped him out of his trance by pointing out that the carpet was all wet. He told me to move all the stuff out of the way and he would call the maintenance guy. As I was begrudgingly moving stuff the bottom fell out of one storage containers. I was not pleased and T did not heed my calls for help. Frustrated, I kicked all the stuff into my bathroom and came out to ask why he did not respond to my pleas for help. He looked at me and after a moment said "I do not belong there". I could tell this was not an issue to pursue...

UGH!!! The Gems du Jour are escaping me!! I swore I'd remember them... Oh well... Our buddy/reader Kevin was coming down to visit us from Seattle. He asked if he should bring his air mattress and sleeping bag. I said "Not unless you plan to get really familiar with all my pets." He asked if I had a cat, I replied "No, crickets." He almost canceled on us right there, but I convinced him that we had plenty of raised sleeping area. Hmmnn... shouldn't have even been a question if he reads this journal!!

When Kevin did finally arrive he stepped in gingerly. I was somewhat surprised by this. I guess he didn't want to step on any of my pets (brings a whole new meaning to "Crunch all you want, we'll make more!!", eh?? :) but he did ask for the 'Tour of Destruction'... Hmmnn.... During the tour he wrote his name in the dust on my entertainment center. Now I have indoor graffiti... Sheesh!!

On Monday I found out that my hairdresser, Ron, died the previous Friday of an AIDS related disease. I was sort of melancholy about this and wondering who to get my now overdue haircut from. My collaborator suggested Butch, they guy who gave him his monk haircut (with what seemed like a Flowbee). Thanks T. As the week progressed I thought about it, the monk haircut. I decided to have a real monk haircut; I asked the monk to cut my hair. He complied. I have to say, for a guy who has never cut hair (and certainly not a woman's hair) he did a great job! He did the back in the kitchen and the bangs in the guest bathroom. I had to take a photo of it, it looks so good! T asked if I was going to sweep up the hair. I left the hair where it fell as a memorial to Ron. I do not think my collaborator appreciated that reasoning, but he wasn't about to argue the point.

My collaborator left this morning. 4th Grade starts tomorrow. Yep, lots of prep time here!! I opened Steph's door and asked "You got everything you need for school tomorrow?" She said "I think so." Shut door. Done Hey! I have a lot of webbing to catch up on!!!

Sept. 3

OK, it has been both incredibly hectic and uncannily quiet around here, so I'll do my best to sort through it. I guess I should begin with the beginning; this morning. Steph went into her bathroom to get ready for school and I heard the "MOM!" from the other end of home (I always refer to it as the house, but it IS an apartment). The precursor to trouble... and I was just contemplating a game of 'Beat the Drip' (where you attempt to remove the coffee pot and replace it with a coffee mug without getting still brewing coffee all over the place. This is a common occurrence here, as is getting coffee all over the place. Hmmnn... I guess I should consider 'perfecting my technique') but decided against it, knowing my stats against the coffee pot.

The yells were coming from her bathroom. I walked in to find a backed up sink (that blue sparkle mint gel toothpaste added a nice touch, I might add) and Steph with wet shirtsleeves and blue sparkle gel foam all over her hands. "What happened?" I asked. Now mind you, I am a Mom, thus I have a clue. I mean, it is not too difficult to figure out what happened. Moms always ask this question because it is the comic relief in our days to hear what kids will come up with as an excuse for whatever the hell it is that got them into a predicament of calling for parental help anyway.

As it turns out, she tried to wash all my hair (from my monk haircut) down the drain. She was bothered by it being in the sink. I forgot it was even there (after all, I do have my own bathroom!). I guess since it was the bangs part of my hair it was just long enough to get tangled in the drain. Oh well. I remembered the Drano incident and tried to think of what I could loosen the clog with without eating through the pipes. Hmmmmnnn... I got it! Vinegar in hot water!! OK... I mixed some up and poured it down the drain. Steph bolted out of the bathroom and off to school. Can't say I blame her much, it smells like Elizabeth NJ in there!!! Well, at least I can be sure the hair on the kitchen floor is safe!

Sept. 4

You know, that whole hair thing in the drain was hanging on my mind last night. well, of course it was! I had a bunch of soap and vinegar in the sink! YICK!! Word of caution... go to the store and get the Liquid Plumber... trust me on this one! Anyway, back to the hair, which brings us back to the monk. I couldn't help but think that, well... Hmmnn... OK

Ever see the movie Mary Poppins? Mary floats down from the sky to take care of these two kids for the banker and his wife (she's a Nanny, the original I might add) and when they hire her she has only a small travel case that resembles a carpetbag. Up in her room she starts removing impossible things from this bag like a lamp, et al... and the kids are in awe. Well, same here. The monk came up in his six-four which was not by any means packed tightly. Nothing except his mountain bike could be seen over the tops of his seats. He had but one suitcase. Every time I needed something though it was in there! I had just been lamenting about Ron (rest his soul) and my outgrown, overdue-for-a-cut-hair, grabbed my scissors and asked him to cut it. "With these?" he asked. I said "that's all I have". He said he would go get his barber shears. "You have barber's shears? Do you cut hair?" his response was he had the shears but he never cut anyone's hair at all. ???? It was like this all summer with the hose, the oil pan, the toolbox, all this stuff you did not see in the six four but was certainly there!!

Sept. 5

I woke up regretting the totally organic decision I had made for Stephanie's bathroom sink's drain. The vinegar (combined with hair, soap, toothpaste and God-knows-what-else) made for a miserable awakening. We have not been able to loosen the clog. The sink is backed up and I have yet to go to the store. No need! I have plenty of beans, rice and tuna! Well, I faced the fact that I was going to need to part company with the PowerBook for at least a little while and go to the store. Our eyes are starting to burn and water every time we go down the hallway. Well, that is after I have some coffee and check my email, read my newsgroups, check out the journals... OK OK... I'm going...

So I hop into the Filthmobile (tm). Ah yes, the car has been officially named by some anonymous neighbor who was kind enough to draw it into the road grime with their finger (or maybe a putty knife? Hard to tell at this point...) on the hood. It isn't just scrawled either, it is actually quite elaborate and if you look at it long enough it seems like it was done in colors. I sort of chuckled when I saw it because, well, it is a really distinguishing piece of artwork. I wonder if I can lacquer it on... I'd hate to have the rain wash it off. Who am I kidding??? The dirt on my car isn't fazed by the rain!! Anyway, I would like to thank the anonymous artiste, I just haven't thought of anything appropriate yet.

Sept. 6

There is a very distinct smell that comes from mixing Liquid Plummer with the aforementioned concoction in the drain. Suffice to say Steph and I HAD to leave the house. She was lucky, she had 4th grade to go to. Me? Work, but who wants to do that?? Well, OK... if I have to... WHAT IS THIS?? The Filthmobile (tm) won't start! Let's try that again... Houston, we have a problem!! Oy vey...

After some very frantic calls I find a mechanic who can look at my car right away. That is, if I can get it there. Hmmnn.... fortunately it is a standard shift so I get it rolling and start it in 2nd gear. When I get to the mechanic's he muttered something under his breath while I pointed to my still running car out in the lot. I pull the car into the bay and turn it off (I mean HEY! It's about to get fixed, right?). The mechanic looks at it and says to me "You are going to have to get this car washed before I work on it." EXCUSE ME??. Not about to argue, I said I couldn't get it started, and to prove a point I turned the key in the ignition for him to hear the clicking noise the car made. Disgusted, he ordered me to 'pop the hood' while he grabbed a nearby packing blanket. He just stood there holding the blanket. ??? I got out of the car and said "Well?" to which he replied "YOU open it, I'm not touching that car!" I bit my tongue briefly and replied "But of course not. I am sure you are quite careful with all the works of art you see" and lifted the hood gingerly without smudging the 'Filthmobile'(tm) logo. He draped the blanket across the front of my car and got to work, but not without a whole lot of grumbling. Sheesh!

Sept. 7 (Happy Birthday Suzanne and Kim!)

Well I had the car running so I decided to go to Safeway to get some items that the child had requested. I figure if she is ASKING for lima beans then maybe it is a sign that she is sick of baked beans. Hmmnn... I did the shopping for the week so I wouldn't have to log off again for any stupid reasons. Besides, the mechanic told me there was nothing wrong with my car (after a lot of grumbling, muttering and cursing under his breath). Oh yeah? Well, why won't it start then??? Sheesh!

I get home and start throwing stuff into the fridge as I initiate the log on process. Hey! I can do two things at once, you know... I opened the vegetable drawer to an icky surprise. A while ago (as in, when T arrived) I asked my collaborator to bring some California artichokes with him. Hmmnn... I think there might have been grapes in there as well. I forgot all about them. Anyway, I heard my PowerBook affirm my connection and realized I did not have time to waste. I yanked the drawer out of the fridge and dumped it's contents into the garbage can under the sink. HEY! I have scented garbage bags so it should be OK! I threw the plums and apples still in their bags into the vegetable drawer and closed the whole deal. Damn! I forgot coffee... ah, who cares, I have access!!!

Sept. 8

Well, yesterday was a sort of mellow day. I spent a good portion of it out of the house, as I had to get Steph ready to go to the coast with Da Gish and his kids before I chaired my Webgrrls meeting. I do not mind being out of the house as long as there is access wherever I am, and the Habit has access!! Great coffee too, which reminds me... Anyway, I got home barely in time to change and get ready to go out to Kim's Birthday party. Yep, it was trash all over town night. I am not looking forward to this because A) I quit smoking and B) I stopped drinking when I quit smoking (for the obvious reason, 4 beers down the road I am only going to bum 'just this one'). Suffice to say that all that happened and the good news is I snubbed the butt after two drags; it was not what I feared it would be, a wonderful memory. It was disgusting and it hurt.

So did my head this morning. Did I have any coffee?? Noooooo, I was too busy doing other things to get coffee... sheesh! Anyway, I went down to the clubhouse to get coffee and play cruel solitaire on their computer while I recuperated from my hangover. Cheap beer will kill you. I have decided that unless I brew it, I am not drinking it! So I come back upstairs after losing a record $400+ in solitaire. It's not like Bill Gates is going to come collect it or anything... and I grab something out of the fridge to eat it. I can't remember quite what because all I know is I went to throw away the wrapper and about a gazillion little flies came up out of the garbage at me. What sort of spontaneous generation occurred while I was out last night?? Whatever it was, I was not in the mood to deal with it so I went back downstairs to see if I could win back some of my make believe money.

Sept. 9

Those damned little bugs are everywhere. They are fast too. I am not at all happy about this. I am not one to argue with the bugs, per se. We have an agreement; they stay out of my way, I don't kill them. That is how it works with the wasps (they stay up in the kitchen light), that his how it works with the ladybugs (they stay on the windows) and that is how it works with the crickets (well, actually, they are my buddies... they just can't walk across the keyboard while I am on-line). These little bugs won't listen to reason. I was at my wit's end so I suggested some BK to Steph. Yeah, like she'd turn down a Kid's Club meal!!

OK, let's try this again. And again. Is it my imagination? NO! The car is NOT starting! This after I had a picayune mechanic tell me there was "Nothing wrong with my car a little soap and water couldn't cure". Hmnph!! last time I go to a guy who needs to lean on a blanket to work on a car! You know what this means... roll start the car and go to the drive through... Sheesh!

Sept. 10

The flies are not my friends. Today even the PowerBook is testing my patience. Could it be because I have NO COFFEE??? Hmmnn... that's a start, but no printer, disabled FETCH... the day is getting worse. And these damned little flies... they are everywhere! Not even in the kitchen anymore, they are getting bolder. I have to get out of here.

I tried. I could not find my keys anywhere. I would hate for anyone to think I did not have things to do or a schedule to keep today, en contraire.... I had A LOT to do today. WHERE ARE MY KEYS??? I tore my house apart and still did not find them. Those damned bugs were not making matters any better. In fact, I finally snapped. I slapped two of them right on the counter. Next thing I knew I was slapping them right out of the air and killing them two and three at a time with my bare hands. Slapping, slamming and clapping them to their deaths I started laughing like a madwoman. HA HA HAAAA!!!! I was finally finished when I realized that there was nothing left to slap. My hands were red, there were all sorts of splattered bug parts on them and I was out of breath. Hmmnn.... I washed my hands and went off to make a new key for my car. Hey, I had to get out of there before I started wiping the place down or something!

Sept. 11

When I finally returned to the house yesterday I was not in a very good mood. The day did not seem to improve and my hands were killing me. I had cut my knuckles and really bruised myself in my overzealous rage against the tiny bugs. Their little squished bodies were all over the kitchen as a testimony to just how bad I was feeling earlier. Hmmnn... maybe I should switch to decaf??

As I stood there in the kitchen this morning waiting for my coffee to brew I started getting a sick feeling that maybe I should clean up all these little unidentifiable smooshes (that only I can identify as bodies). Nahhh! I'll just log on and ask Steph to wipe the kitchen down... HEY! It's not like she has any chores besides 4th grade homework! I figure it should be a quick job as long as I don't tell her what she's wiping off the counters. There! I feel like I have accomplished something and my disposition is improving already!

Sept. 12

My day started out great today! I got some of the most welcomed news via email (something I wake up to)... my collaborator is coming back! In fact he'll be here tonight. Tonight?!!! Uh-oh... Hmmnn... well, it hasn't really been that long and the place doesn't look all that bad. Steph did a great job on all those smooshes in the kitchen. Maybe if I just 'scare' the carpet with the vacuum cleaner (Hey! At least I know where to find the vacuum cleaner!).

Well, so much for that endeavor! Sheesh! I should have known better. With any luck my collaborator is coming back to pick up his beloved Sinister Force (which he forgot to take back to Cali with him). Hmmmnnn... I was trying to vacuum, really I was, but it was only about two minutes before I heard this high pitched whine and started to smell a burning smell. I turned off the vacuum and opened the canister. Mistake! Not only has the dust bag burst, but it did so only after it burnt out the motor. Changing the bag did not help since the vacuum would not turn on to pick up the new (and very obvious) mess on the floor. Timing is everything!

Sept. 13

So you didn't lose sleep wondering if I swept up the pile of dust/dirt/hair/etc... I mean, let's face it, this is me we are talking about! I logged back on and admonished myself for even closing my connection! I know better!!

Of course when T arrived there was a nice big mess to greet him in the hallway. "I see not much has changed in my absence" was all he had to say as he stepped carefully around the pile. I should say the bulk of the pile, as it has spread (being right in the middle of a high traffic area). This afternoon he sat down to take apart the vacuum and assess the damage. No word yet, as he is a very quiet man.

Sept. 14

Twilight Zone before coffee is a tough way to wake up. This morning after discovering I was out of coffee we decided to seek out coffee in the clubhouse. T stepped over the spreading pile of dust/dirt/hair/etc... on the floor; I plowed right through it. HEY! I haven't had my coffee yet! We open the front door, make it halfway down the landing and it comes into view: there is a huge pile of lawn clippings with an uprooted dead rhododendron right smack dab in the middle of the walkway leading out from my apartment. It is completely blocking our path. Just as T and I are staring at each other with pre-coffee gaping mouths in stunned amazement my neighbor breaks the silence with "I see the landscapers have caught on to your motif" and slammed his window shut. No comments from the Peanut Gallery, thank you...

Having remembered our reason for leaving the house we continued on to the clubhouse. About three cups of coffee (and considerably more coherent) later I decided to go play Windows Solitaire on the clubhouse computer. HEY! I was without access... I am sure I have email to read!!! I did not notice T slip out the door. When I did finally finish my marathon solitaire session I came upstairs, past the landscaping barricade, to a very clean carpet. I guess the vacuum cleaner does work! :)

Sept. 15

I was awakened early this morning by a call from my now-ex-neighbor Kim. She got this great idea (at 6:50am) that she should have a garage sale from her new home. "And the reason you are sharing this revelation with me at 6:52am?..." I ask. Well, of course I must have some things to put in this sale... "When is this sale?" I ask, slowly coming to consciousness. NEXT Saturday? Click.

When I woke up two hours later (coffee and donuts at the clubhouse at 9am) I wondered if it was all a dream. Of course it wasn't. T asked me who called before the sun came up... lucky him, the phone in the kitchen echoes throughout the living room, I was almost embarrassed to tell him the whole story. He just shook his head. We headed off to downstairs to have some coffee.

We missed the donuts. The neighborhood kids converge like locusts at 9:00.30am when the donuts get put out with the coffee in the clubhouse; by 9:00.45 there is merely lingering confectioner's sugar powder in the air from the rush of donuts leaving at the speed of light. I am such a delight when I have nothing in my stomach to absorb the 27 cups of coffee I drink while reading the Sunday paper. I was so annoyed with the kids that I exacted my revenge on them by Bogarting the computer room for the ENTIRE DAY in a massive Solitaire marathon. Fortunately I was on a roll and winning big bank, but they kept coming by, all hyped out on sugar, whining about wanting to play Wolf 3D... HA! We'll see if there are any donuts NEXT weekend!

Sept. 16

Kim called me to remind me that she was serious about the garage sale; she didn't think I sounded 'all that committed' when she talked to me. Hmmnn... I was thinking I didn't sound all that conscious... She has decided to hold said sale Fri/Sat/Sun so I should bring my stuff over by Thursday. Oh my God, I really committed to this, didn't I? I guess I failed to mention that she lives about 40 miles away now... All this effort for stuff I would just as soon give away to the ARC or some other organization that would come pick this up... Oh well...

T asked me what I was going to put in the sale. Heck if I know. I don't even know what I have left from the last garage sale (refer to MAY). I think I am quite attached to all of my belongings, including (but not limited to) my BK bags, pizza boxes and other such stuff. I mean, I like my scented colored garbage bags so much I don't want to use them for fear of using them up... I think I need to just log on to unwind... all this thinking is stressing me out!

Sept. 17

It is very nice having T back here. Steph seems to like him (well, she actually offered that he was a "neat guy for someone who doesn't say much"). That is a blessing of sorts... at least I thought it was until I realized that she had found a co-conspirator! It started out with simple things lie "Mom, can you move the PowerBook so I can set the table for dinner?" HELLO??? Since when do we eat at the table?? Even T got used to eating the beans anywhere he could find a seat!

OK, I guess this one gets some explaining for those of you who do not read my collaborator's journal; he eats only one thing, Bush's Baked Beans, cold out of the can, with a spoon. He does so in the same spot every day/night, which is the love seat that he cleared off three months ago in my living room. Anyway, I wasn't too suspicious when Steph brought out her laundry basket and picked up the towels (from, well, where the dirty towels reside, behind the bathroom door of course!!). The addition of the towels should have been the tip off, but it was the ultimate act that got me to realize there is a conspiracy going on... the Shoulder Ride! Not just any shoulder ride either, one where my daughter is armed with the feather duster and attacking all my cobwebs! HEY! I had a working truce with them!! I foresee a rough ride ahead folks...

Sept. 18

I do not think I am paranoid. I think they are in cahoots to try to get me to clean. I am not fooled. Not even the "let me put some stuffed animals in the garage sale" was going to get me to believe this. Something is amiss.

T wanted to go to Barnes & Noble to pick up a book. I thought it would be a good idea to get out of the house (since it looks like I am about to be bamboozled into cleaning of some sort). Steph has a $25 gift certificate to B&N from her Birthday. Where??? Well, your guess is as good as mine! I told her to put it in a safe place... Now mind you, my daughter is an avid reader. She loves books. She has quite a few more than your average 4th grader and each of them is as dear to her as most kids Sega games are to them. My mom helps out by sending her some selections about every month or so... The last batch brought Shel Silverstein's latest as well as the Phantom Tollbooth and two new Goosebumps books. These were all packaged with various plastic bugs that 'jumped' out at her when she opened the packages. My mom has a strange sense of humor. I think it skips a generation...

So I logged off after about 20 minutes of Steph's unsuccessful search failed to turn up the gift certificate. T was getting impatient so we let him go off to B&N without us; I helped Steph tear apart her book pile to try to find the safely hidden gift certificate. I should mention that her book pile rivals the inventories of most small town libraries. She had a few stacks that were not very neatly piled and one fell into another for a sort of domino effect spilling books under her bed. I got down on my stomach and started to scoop the books forward out from under the bed. Books weren't all that was under there.

It wasn't until after I hit my head screaming in a backward scurry that Steph asked "What's wrong?" I sat up from under her bed rubbing my head and gathering my wits before lifting the dust ruffle to look at what demon I had grabbed in the process of gathering books. Steph had taken the bugs that my mom had sent and placed them under her bed in various positions. I had inadvertently grabbed one and had no clue that it was one of the faux insects. YICK! My head was still throbbing and I did not see the amusement in this at all. "Why are those bugs there?" I demanded of her. "Isn't that where bugs live?" was her reply. Like I said, it skips generations (thank God!). Irritated, I stormed out of the room. I needed to log on. HEY! It was not like I was late for Barnes & Noble or anything! Sheesh!

Sept. 19

This morning started out as one of those days... First, the coffee machine decided it had other ideas. Maybe it was bored with dripping the coffee into the carafe, I don't know... There is absolutely no reason for the coffee grinds to have spilled over the top of the machine all over the counter onto the floor. The smell of coffee was everywhere. the coffee was everywhere. Did I have any to drink? No I had a big mess to clean up before I had coffee to help me wake up. Did I say clean up?? I meant, 'avoid while I got Steph ready for school', which was not easy since it was a big slippery puddle on the floor and every time I stepped in it I cursed. This woke up my houseguest (since the kitchen is right off the living room). Steph was acting a bit strangely as well. I just wanted to go back to bed. I did.

When I woke up it was because there was a knock on my bedroom door. Begrudgingly I got out of bed and went out to face the music; I knew I was going to be reprimanded for leaving the coffee puddle all over the floor. Surprise! I was greeted with a cup of coffee and a warm smile. DANGER Will Robinson! It only took one sip before I was awake enough to be leery. Hmmnn.... OK, the kitchen is clean. I had to log on quickly because I knew there is something amiss... I am not sure what but I DO know something is up!!

Sept. 20

The garage sale is today; at least I found this out early this morning when the phone rang. I thought it started tomorrow. I had to get out of bed and come up with garage sale items. Hmmnn... what do people buy at garage sales? I have friends who live for garage sales, though I never go to them myself. I have barely covered .003% of the Web, why would I want to log off to go look at someone else's used kitchen items?? Ahhh... I grabbed a bag and started pulling stuff out from a kitchen cupboard. This took about two minutes. As I stood up and looked around I felt the familiar tug of the PowerBook. I knew I had email. Dare I log on???

OF COURSE NOT!!! Must get past PowerBook... OK I did it! I went straight for the storage closet and grabbed the first two boxes on top of the pile. Hey! I have heard that people DO buy beer bottles! Actually, I had no idea exactly what was in them but a while back I discovered that most everything I own/find useful ended up in my storage closet during the 'Cleaning Raid' perpetrated on me in March. Off I went and actually managed to stay off-line for 6 hours. I was pretty depressed, but I guess that makes for good Garage Sale Face. I have no idea what I sold but I got $34.75 for it all. Sheesh! Kim told me that she is continuing the garage sale next weekend and asked if I would be there. Not unless I can log on!!

Sept. 21

While I was out of the house yesterday my refrigerator was cleaned. So was my coffee maker. It is much whiter than it was a few days ago. Not that I mind, but I have to wonder what sort of things go through my collaborator's mind when he does these 'favors'. He has mentioned more than once that he thinks I spend way too much time on-line. Hmmnn... I find myself yearning to see if I have any new email... it has sort of become an issue around here. I am getting the feeling that I am sort of being 'shamed' into cleaning up my act (no pun intended). My Point:

Steph calls to me from her room. I leave the PowerBook long enough to go see what the fuss is about. Steph has re-created her library. We are not talking restacked books here, we are talking shelving, filing, Dewey Decimal system plus cataloging for coloring books!!! There's another 10 sq.ft. of space in here room from this! I do not think I am paranoid... I think there is a conspiracy here. I know there is a conspiracy afoot!!

Sept. 22

I decided to take a day off from my coffee maker today; it looked so clean and I didn't want to mess it up. HEY! there's coffee and donuts down in the clubhouse anyway. Well, usually... the weasel kids eat all the donuts immediately then split. Good thing, as I do not really like kids (mine is different. I have said this before and I will stand by this: I want to be Stephanie when I grow up!). Since Steph was watching Nickelodeon on the Big Screen TV T and I went through the Sunday paper then on to the community computer. We had a day of family fun playing marathon Solitaire/Wolf/Tetris etc... My eyes hurt from the CRT after about 7 hours. I came upstairs to log on to rest my eyes but the phone rang first. It was Kim. Garage sale over, am I coming to pick up my stuff? Hmmnnn...

I never realized I had to go retrieve the unsold stuff... oh well, off I went. When I got there a neighbor of Kim's stopped by to ask about the Garage Sale. Kim introduced me to her new neighbor as her 'Old neighbor she had to move away from'. Both of us looked at her quizzically, the other neighbor asking her why. "Well, when I went away she used to watch my pets for me. My house was always dirtier when I came back then when I left it". Hmmnn... Was I watching it or cleaning it?? Sheesh! Hey, her animals were all alive when she came back!

Sept. 23

Today Steph and I had to go to the dentist after school. Not that this is a big deal, but I have a sore tooth so I was looking forward to this appointment. Steph went to school, the coffee had just brewed, I was changing into my 'day clothes' (read: suit, I had a meeting to attend) and the doorbell rang. ??? None other than my Ex Husband. Joy. His initial greeting? Not "Hello" or "Is this a good time" but "What the Hell happened here?" Mind you, I was Donna Reed when I was married to him... I cordially invited him in and offered him a cup of coffee. What was the point of all this? Who knows... I hate when people drop in. Why don't they call first? As the thought was passing through my head he said "I tried to call but the phone was busy..." Oh, OK. After I introduced him to T (who was busily working on some JavaScript in the living room) he mentioned that the car looked as well maintained as the house. He said "I thought it was someone else's car until I saw the dent in the front. Looks to match well with the decor here. Who did the artwork for you?" (referring to my Filthmobile(tm) logo). His stay was cut short after that comment.

Did my day get better? NO! I am facing a root canal (JOY!) and Wednesday is the Big Day. Not that I mind the root canal. I mind the peanut gallery commentary I got from everyone in the waiting room about my car. The only parking space available was right in front of the waiting room picture window. One busy-body offered that I ought to be embarrassed to drive around in a car so filthy as it was a reflection of my life, Cleanliness being next to Godliness and all. That didn't sit well with me, but in lieu of engaging in a battle of wits with her I informed her that it was a long term project by which I was stenciling in the outlines before adding the paint and the dirt was no ordinarydirt but something only a trained eye could distinguish as art supplies. Saved by the Dental Hygienist, I was called in to my appointment. Hmmph!

Sept. 24

I had to spend most of the day out running around doing errands and such. I hate days like this because (aside from Access Deficiency) it puts me in too much traffic. One of these days I may even start a Rant About Traffic page, but as it is I think there is just a bit too much ranting going on out there on the Net anyway. As if anyone wanted to listen to me b**ch about it. With any luck, I won't have to log off to go out in traffic!!

T asked me about the mail today and I realized I haven't checked in over a week. Not like I need to see anymore VS or Venus catalogs, as I have not been to the gym in a while. Oh well. Sure enough!! And I thought Bikini Season was over!! Oh well... gives me advanced notice to get prepared for next year... AS IF!!

Sept. 25

The big day. I had to go in early today for the root canal. I am never thrilled when this happens. I take great care of my teeth yet one decides to die anyway. I look at this as $500+ I could have spent on paying someone to wash my car (GASP!! What was I thinking?? Not with the new artwork and all!!!). Oh well.

Steph came home from school and asked if we could go to Barnes and Noble. I was feeling a bit under the weather (heck, I hadn't been logged on in 5 hours!) and said no, so she decided to go over to Moana's to do homework. Still, there was something odd about the way she asked... Hmmnn...

Sept. 26

Yet another day out of the house. I had to be over at the Perl Institute to do some administrative things. T told me that he would be in the community computer room for most of the day attending to most of his own business. Why was I uneasy? Hmmnn... he never announces he is going to be out of the house all day. Something just isn't right.

Uh-huh, just as I suspected. He rented a carpet shampooer and did the rugs. Wassup wi' dat?? I found this out after I came home from TPI and met up with him and Steph in the clubhouse. They kept me out of the house for another two hours to let the carpet dry. Hmmnn... I asked what the big deal was and he commented that it was for Kevin (not the old maint. guy but a reader). Kevin is coming down this weekend and, well, I guess the two of them have been talking. Oh well...

Sept. 27th

Another day out of the house. UGH!! I hate these. When I finally got home I was barely here for half an hour when Kevin arrived. I was just checking my email when he walked in. "I should have known you'd be on-line!" was his comment. Not Hello, how have you been... Hmmnn. He walked directly over to the entertainment center to look for his 'signature' that he left in the dust last time he was here. It was barely visible under the new dust, and he pointed this out.

As if this wasn't enough, I think there was something in the air from the carpet cleaning. I am not sure but I was starting to get a sore throat. I am not used to all this clean around me you know. There's something creepy about it...

Sorry folks. It was worse than I anticipated. I got really bad bronchitis while Kevin was here visiting for his Birthday Weekend. It wasn't just any bronchitis either, it was really bad. So bad that Kevin even offered to set up my PowerBook in my bedroom for me so I could log on from bed. I think T jammed him in the ribs with his elbow for that comment. Anyway, I was too sick to even log on.

When I finally emerged from my room things around here were really different looking. Crisp white against stark black, not the grays I am used to. Kevin's 'signature' was gone as was a lot of the other dust, dirt, smoke film, etc... Apparently Steph and T made the most of my illness by swabbing the place down. I think Steph was actually grateful for 4th grade for once, as it took her away from most of the dirty work. I must say, I am quite uncomfortable in my own home. I mean, I used to keep it this clean, but now that someone else has done the cleaning I feel really uneasy leaving a coffee cup around or dropping my socks on the floor. I guess I will have to ease into this. Hmmnnn..... we'll see.

Oct. 4

Maybe I still have a bit of the bronchitis left, or maybe it is the residual effects of all the medication I was taking. This place looks sort of sterile. Maybe Kevin was right. Maybe I should have taken the PowerBook to bed with me. I might have recuperated faster. Maybe... What was that?

Uh-oh... looks like Steph is going to be a very unhappy camper when she gets home from school. Her entire library filing system, shelved and cataloged, just came crashing down over her dresser and onto the floor. I guess I should point out that although Steph did nail the shelves into the wall, she probably didn't know she was supposed to nail into studs. Oh well. She's off with her dad this weekend so she won't even see this until Monday after school. Why wreck her weekend with bad news? I'll just shut the door, just like old times... :)

Oct. 5

Today was a very frustrating day. I thought it was going to be a peaceful day of surfing with no disturbances (AKA: Stephanie) But NO. First, I time out on a connection and the phone rings. It is my buddy, the Perl Wizard stranded at the airport. Begrudgingly, I answer the phone, confirm a pick-up and log off. I never did get to read what I was downloading either. After this fiasco I come home and the phone is ringing, Oh joy, it's my mom. This call takes me right up to when I have to leave for an appointment downtown. Damn.

Here's the rub; the appointment was at the Habit. Did I get to log on??? NOOOOO! There were more people than there were terminals available. GRRRRrrr..... I come back home, just in time to turn around and go back out for a housewarming party. I am semi-relieved that my girlfriend has access. This is very short-lived, as I soon discover that Compuserve does not allow for Telnetting to one's account on another ISP. ARRRGGGHHH!!! I stayed long enough to be congenial and then I was outta there. Hey! My nerves were shot and I needed to check my email!!

Oct. 6

After a very wearing and frazzled day yesterday I was looking to relax for real today. I now understand where the saying "No rest for the weary" came from. OK, I don't know where it came from but I can relate to it. Semantics...

Apparently T thought that today was such a lovely day that he wanted to open all the windows, including the one in Steph's room. I had just settled in front of the PowerBook with my coffee and heard the modem connect when I also heard T exclaim "What happened here?" I acted as though it was all a surprise to me that books were everywhere. He knew better, I think. I suggested we just close the door. He suggested I do my 'motherly duty', log off and attend to the mess. It almost came to fists.

Well, OK, not quite (he could cream me in a punch if he wasn't a peace-loving monk). He is a genius, remember? He finessed me into coming up with some tools in order to do construction repair so that the project is not so overwhelming for Stephanie. HEY! It is her filing system, I wasn't going to mess with it! He let me go there but I had to straighten up the stuff on the floor while he spackled, etc... Needless to say, it was dark when it was all said and done. Sheesh!

Oct. 7

This is after the fact: I had a relapse of bronchitis and it did not help me very much to be so ill. Well, maybe it did, but it sure felt terrible. When Steph came home from school she discovered the book fiasco in her bedroom. I think she felt a little beaten. I can't really say, as I was out of it. I slept early.

Oct. 8

I am very fortunate to have a patient houseguest. You can really judge the character of people in a time of need. T made sure that Steph was taken care of (I got up and made her lunch and brushed her hair for her, but that was about all I was good for) and he took over when she came home. I was in bed. I think he was really trying to encourage her to reorganize her books, but in the end I think the mood in the whole house was just in a slump. That or one has to consider the question "What do a monk and a 9 year old girl have in common?" Besides computer games? I think they both retired early with CRT headaches.

Oct. 9

Yep, it must have gotten to her; when I woke up this morning (feeling improved, but not 100%) there were three bags of books by the front door (oddly, right where the phone books used to live). Steph has decided to donate her books to the GoodWill and just use the library from here on in. Well, not completely, as she still has her Goosebump books, her Shel Silverstein collection and all those books on Greek Mythology.

Anyway, today was a half-day for her at school (due to parent-teacher conferences) and she has the next two days off. Hmmnn... I used to have to go to school 5 days a week! Anyway, her dad wants to take her for the rest of the week, and was meeting me at the conference. This was not the highlight of my day. Suffice to say, Steph made me promise to take the books to the GoodWill for her while she was gone; I said "OK" She said "No, really, take the books in." Hmmnn... I have 5 days.

Oct. 10

Though it was the sort of day I consider perfect for webbing (raining), I had to leave the house to do some errands. I made a most horrifying discovery. Some cat had walked all over my car. Not that this would normally disturb me, but his little footprints had done irreparable damage to my 'artwork'. I was not pleased. Upon closer inspection it appears that 'Kitty' had not only traipsed all over my car (leaving paw prints all over my windshield and backlight) but also decided that the hood was the warmest and therefore best place to lay down. In doing so he really smeared my otherwise weather-resistant and (semi-) permanent artistry that has come to distinguish the Filthmobile(tm). I was not pleased. He also left a few identifying short white and brown hairs stuck to the hood of my car. Hmmmnnn....

When I returned home I was still a bit agitated by this whole issue; since I am out of windshield washer fluid (something I discovered after I had to put on the wipers) I merely smeared the greasy paw prints into streaks that obscured my vision as I drove around in the rain. T inquired about my disposition so I disclosed the nature of my demeanor (read: ranted). He suggested that it might be time to wash the car. I unclenched my fists long enough to log on and attempt to relax. Wash the car... Sheesh!

Oct. 11

Don't even ask! Of course I did not wash the car! I didn't even think about it. I just logged on and spent most of the day doing foolish debugging and surfing with intermittent email queries. HEY! It's raining here!

The big news is that at about 6pm there was a loud 'scream' outside the front door...the baby crying type. Not used to this sound I went over to investigate. Fearing the worst (I do have a public bus stop about 50 feet away... you never Know who might think this is a good home for an unwanted kid) I opened the door. Dashing in came a very wet kitty. Mind you, he stopped dead in his tracks about three feet in as though horror-stricken but by then it was too late; T picked up the rigid cat. I shut the door because it was cold. T took an instant liking to the cat. I noticed that one side of him was siamese cat white and the other side was siamese cat-who-sat-on-my-car-dirty. Out the door he went. T is not speaking to me now... I think he wanted a pet. Thank heavens Steph wasn't here or we probably would have a pet. Sheesh!

Today

So call me a Gig-Neglector. Apparently I am. You know as well as I do that it has been over a week since I updated. Sorry about that, really I am. It just seems that there is no point in reporting what catastrophe almost could have happened here if not for the meticulously neat houseguest I am hosting. My life is somewhat Hitchcockish now. I swear I put something somewhere and it is not where I left it. Wherever it is finally found, it is cleaned, polished, folded, what have you. Bit by bit things are changing around here. I tend to think I would rather not notice.

My first clue was when Stephanie came to me and thanked me for taking in the books. ?? I didn't take in any books! I completely forgot about them! That's just the tip of the iceberg... my kitchen cabinets are really orderly, but not just orderly; they are LINED with Contact Paper! At least it is a nice floral pattern. I wouldn't have noticed had it not been for the dishwasher being empty and I needed to scavenge for a glass. Took about 2 seconds, as they were right in the cabinet, all clean. Nothing to be found on a tabletop or a counter, oh no! They were 'put away'.

By Saturday I was feeling like I had to get out of here, so we did... off to Seattle we went to visit a friend. I figured if things got 'moved around' there it was OK because I wasn't going to be looking for things in 'usual places' there. It was a nice two days, but I had to come back here. Hey, this is my home, where the PowerBook LOVES to be (read: access is a local call). Sorry if I have disappointed anyone but I refuse to put up a Rant Page. I'll report incidences as they occur... :)

November 1 Happy Birthday Meg!

Well, here it is. November 1st. Not much has been going on to report. I have plenty of legitimate reasons to be on-line all day and night long (I get a lot of email so the arguments about me spending all day on-line have subsided. This is how I make my living, so the 'recreational abuses' is a moot point; my aggravation with certain things on-line has been duly noted. But back to the story; the REAL reason you are here...

Things have been 'straightened up' around me. My houseguest (on extended visit, and rightly so, as the book is nowhere near edited to completion; I am really busy otherwise!) has, with the help of Stephanie, managed to return this household to something somewhat liveable while I have been affixed to the PowerBook. If I hadn't been here the whole time I might not even recognize the place; often I think I am having a deja vu when I see things I have not seen for a long time.

Yesterday was Halloween. I thought there was an unusual amount of traffic at my door. Stephanie was dressed like a tiger and handing out candy, me, I barely peeked around the screen to see what all the commotion was about. Apparently my neighbors thought this was supposed to be some sort of House of Horrors or something. I overheard someone say "There's nothing wrong with that place!" and another commented that "Maybe she cleaned it up for Halloween! Yeah, it's a disguise!" I can't help but think it's my neighbors who need to get a life!

Nov 21 The Great American Smokeout AKA PowerBook Emancipation Day

Ahhh, the beloved PowerBook. Though you wouldn't know it, it has been awhile since we have been together. Thought I was Gig-neglecting on the journal, eh? Naaah... it's a long story, but I can tell it now. Get a cup o' Joe and relax; this is going to be a long one. I have lots to catch you up on!

Way back on Nov 2nd I got new neighbors. They moved into Kim's old apartment downstairs. It didn't seem like a big deal to me at the time; people move in and out of here all the time. They park their Jeep right next to the Filthmobile (tm) under the carport. They looked at me somewhat strangely as I pulled in from an outing to the grocery store; I figured they were from Montana or somewhere that driveable art was a thing of awe. I nodded and smiled and came upstairs to log on. Little did I know it would be for the last time...

The next morning my collaborator and I were going down to the clubhouse for coffee and donuts when we heard this horrible screaming-type noise which became louder as we neared the carport. There were a bunch of people and the Fire Dept around my car, a fire truck blocking it into the space. T and I looked at each other and walked over to my car. I don't know how to describe this, but there was a cat stuck to the hood of my car. He was a fluffy cat and according to the Fire Dept's paramedic, apparently he sat down on my car while the engine was still warm and decided to lay there for a while. After he was done being comfortable he probably decided to track some muddy footprints all over my car but surprise! it would seem that the grime on my car (that the mysterious 'artist' had carved the Filthmobile (tm) logo into) had cooled and hardened with the cat's hair embedded in it.

From what I can gather, the cat started screaming and the neighbor's daughter heard it and alerted 'Daddy'. 'Daddy' came outside and tried to pry the cat off the hood of my car, much to the cat's now howling chagrin. My other neighbors called 911 and they sent the Fire Department who talked the cat owner into abandoning the chiseling idea and shaved the cat off my car. T and I arrived just as the paramedics were shaving the cat off my car; one was holding the cat (sort of peeling him up slowly) while the other one was close-shaving him. I thought it was somewhat humorous; that will teach the cat not to sit on my car! T was livid. He has this thing for cats and he did not see the humor or the justice in this incident. My neighbors were screaming and yelling at me for being irresponsible ME? I didn't let my domestic cat out to walk all over other people's cars at night (that's right: the day I see some cat owner wiping his cat's paw prints off someone else's clean car I'll consider liking their cat), and that was my argument to the paramedics when they were asking for my 'information' to send me the bill. ME? I would just as soon have driven around with the cat as a hood ornament. Sheesh!

Anyway, T is not talking to me now. I follow him back upstairs after a terse coffee and donuts and he walks in the door and unplugs my PowerBook. I ask what he is doing and he lets go the floodgates; that's the last straw, a poor innocent animal, yada-yada-yada-mess-yada-yada-disgusting you name it. The rant went on, all because my neighbors let their cat out. Mind you, I think domestic cats are the reincarnated Crowned Heads of Europe... they get away with things you would beat your child to within an inch of their lives for (ex: child accidentally knocks over nail polish onto carpet and hears stream of cursing and bitching while you acetone the stain, and your carpet, away. Cat purposefully taps bottle to edge of table then knocks it over onto carpet and we hear "Oh, Fluffy!"). I should be so lucky as to be a domestic cat in my next life! They act like it is your job to feed them and provide furniture for them to claw and sleep on... what a racket! Anyway, T takes the PowerBook and puts it behind the couch where he sleeps. There is no getting to it; he has it hostage.

First he makes me go downstairs and clean the car. It took me four hours since I wasn't allowed to just rinse the dirt off, I had to remove all the grime (to make it safe for other animals (Isn't this what we call 'natural selection'? Other animals are not stupid enough to sit on my car!! We have plenty of cats in this neighborhood, I know from all the other cat prints on my car, none of them ever got stuck!). This, of course, was the content of the argument I was having with my new neighbor who decided to come outside and yell at me while I was captive washing my car. He wanted me to pay the bill for the paramedics; I found a lovely gouge in my paint that I wanted him to pay for. For four hours it was a finger pointing fest, the most ridiculous waste of breath I have had since the days before my divorce. I was not amused.

Did I suffer enough? Apparently not because my PowerBook has been held hostage for almost a month now. Suffice to say relations with the neighbor are, at best, strained. The situation is not much better here either. No amount of 'my faithful readers' or 'it's the anniversary of the journal' would work. Finally this, the Great American Smokeout. For years I dreaded this day, now I am so grateful for it! I argued that internet addiction isn't half as bad as smoking and I QUIT smoking! This small access time is my 'reward' for quitting smoking. When I will be back on again I can not say, but I'll try to keep you abreast of issues as they arise!

©1996 Loredana Olson