Part II; Domestic Duties I Now Refuse to Do

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Feb. 1

Yoohoo!! It's me again, still gig neglecting in spite of the cold weather. Don't think that just because I am cooped up in the ol' homestead I might get some idea to clean or something, no way!! There have been a number if people stopping by today and I am seriously considering buying one of those doormats that says GO AWAY!! First, Kevin stops by to fix the lock on the front door from Steph's Bright Idea yesterday. Not only does this require leaving my front door open for way too long in 17f cold, but then he has to take the doorknob with him for some reason. So there was a hole in my door letting all my heat out and some real cold in!! I had to move the PowerBook to my bedroom for a while until the rest of the place heated up again.

So, I am minding my own business, surfing away when the doorbell rings, it's George. He has come by early to pick up the printer for a few days. He has not stopped by in a while and is apprehensive about negotiating his way through the living room to where Steph's computer (and the printer) is. "What HAPPENED here???" he inquired. I told him it would take way too long to explain without lunch, handed him a Benihana 'Two for $12' lunch coupon and told him I was free next week. Hey, even I need a break from this place!!

Feb. 2 (Groundhog Day!!)

I think I am going to have to cut off Bill Nye the Science Guy from Steph's daily TV viewing (she only watches that and Wishbone M-F afternoons and, of course X-Men and ReBoot! on SAT). Mind you, I think Bill has got a great show going there, but 8yr olds, left to their own devices... Well, here's what happened...

This morning I needed to restock the toilet paper in my bathroom. Steph has the larger of the two bathrooms here, and hers has both more under-counter space and the linen closet. We use her bathroom to store the supplies and (well, OK, the towels are piling up in front of the washer again) all this stuff is kept in the cabinet under her sink. Since it has been a while since I cleaned the bathrooms (hey, first it was a diamond earring, who KNOWS what it may be next!!) and I have my own, I don't really go in there, as I have my own supplies handy. Well, this morning I needed to restock, so I went in there.

Mind you, on the surface, everything looked normal, but the realities were revealed as soon as I opened the cabinet!! UGH!!! Apparently Steph has been conducting experiments with things like toothpaste, soap, perfume, cleanser, baby powder, et al... I am not too sure what she was trying to make, but it was all stuck to the cabinet! My first clue came when I had to pry the cabinet door open. I might add that there is about two inches of paint (which peeled off the cabinet door) stuck to whatever has cemented the various spoons, containers, tub toys, supplies, etc... to the cabinet. I closed the cabinet door and reopened it, hoping that the mess would go away. It was still there when I reopened the door. Since I could not lift the package of toilet paper from the cabinet (it too is stuck) I merely ripped it open and removed a roll. I can't wait for Steph to get home so I can ask her what she was doing in there. Not that I think I really want to know, but at least this explains the really long showers lately....

Feb. 3

Well, I had to do something about that mess under the cabinet in the bathroom (and it wasn't my responsibility, as far as I was concerned) but it was going to require some thinking so as not to interfere with on-line time. I mean, let's face it, this kid needs more supervision that I originally thought. Left to her own designs, Steph can come up with some messes that rival even Mom's (mine).

Realizing that this mess was going to require a chisel, bucket and other equipment to excavate through the stuff that has dried/hardened in there, I knew I would have to get creative. The thought of logging off to supervise her cleaning this disaster was not an option, as I decided there was just no way. Maybe I would just let this cabinet thing go unresolved, I mean, Hey! Who would notice if the door was closed? Then I rethought the entire situation. No, I make enough of a mess around here, I don't need to let anyone else do so and get away with it! After all, I am a Mom and I do have to set all the operating parameters (you thought I would say example, eh? Well, no, as I can see first hand what sort of example I have set already!).

It was not a big deal. I have a 25 foot cord attached to my bedroom phone. Let's face it, I don't call people, and they don't call me. I yanked the cord out of the phone and put in the PowerBook. I can now reach Steph's bathroom with the PB... She was sort of surprised when she came home from school and found me in the hallway. It was not moments before she got that uncomfortable 'cracking' (AKA Oops, I've been found out!) in her voice. Yeah, it took her a while, and it is still not done.

She chiseled most of the cups and spoons out of the foundation yesterday and has been attempting to loosen up the bulk of the mess today... I figure I can last about two more days webbing on the floor, then it is back to the table. I think she knows this and is trying to outlast me. Ha! We'll see!!!

Feb. 4 (Happy Birthday Aunt Marie!!)

I am a mean rotten mother, just ask my poor daughter! She has been slaving away at the mess under the sink in her bathroom for two days now. Somehow I would think she would have had it done by now, but let's face it...8yr olds have short attention spans. I think she has carved some things in there and created different mediums of artwork (including, but not limited to, engraving, collage, finger-painting, etc...) while attempting to get out of this chore with various illnesses. So far she has had a headache, a sore throat, a backache, legs that have fallen asleep and now I hear intermittent (and forced) coughing. I am unsympathetic and probably the meanest mom that ever lived!

Of course, Steph has not yet had to deal with the other issues that her scientific endeavors have spawned. Take, for instance, my kitchen sink. For two days now various kitchen and flatware items have been soaking in water trying to loosen all the gunk that is stuck to them. the sink is a sort of pasty white pond at this point with at least three spoons that I know of in there. Earlier I reached into the murky white waters to retrieve one so I could make my morning coffee (of course I intended to feel for something that felt most like a spoon and rinse it off). Most everything in there had an obscure feel to it, so I decided to just start pulling handfuls of stuff out of there and transfer it to the other sink. Well, most of it came out on the first grab, all stuck together as one item. Yes, there was quite a bit of tugging involved, but it DID come out. Since I didn't see a spoon that looked like it would dislodge too readily from that sculpture, I reached back in to fish around again. I did not recognize by feel anything at the bottom of the sink, so I removed my hand and turned on the garbage disposal to get rid of the water. After about 4 seconds (and only half empty) the garbage disposal made an odd sound and came to a grinding halt (no pun intended).

I know this is going to require another visit from Kevin. I am in a quandary, as I can't let him into the kitchen to fix the sink or he will notice the missing linoleum, the painting on the refrigerator and the 'artwork' on the back wall. Hmmnnn...Since I was caffeine deficient I decided to just free pour the sugar into my cup and stir it with a chopstick. Maybe I'll think of something later when the coffee kicks in....

Feb. 5

Well, the ice storm had the schools closed today. This is usually a day of glee for Stephanie (who HATES third grade) but not today. Since the bathroom cabinet project is still not completed, she (for once) was hoping for a reprieve by going to school. Not a chance!! When I say get something done, I MEAN IT!! I am not one to let things like school, fire, death, get in the way of completing a task. And yes, She is going to chisel out every last piece of gunk under that cabinet if it kills her.

I think today was the day that that small fact dawned on her. Since I didn't break down before she did, and 5 different kids stopped by to play with her (all of whom had to be turned away), she got it in her head that Mom was not foolin' around here. I think the extended phone cord is what broke her spirit. Granted, my attention was turned to the PowerBook and not Steph, but since I was right there giving 1/2 hourly critiques of her progress she knew she couldn't just get up and go. By 2pm she was finished, including wiping out all the residue and replacing the items that belonged there. Truth be known, I don't think I could have stood it much longer. After three days on the floor in the cleanest spot in the house, I was starting to get uncomfortable. Of course, I would NEVER admit that to her!!

Feb. 6

As I type, gray matter is dripping down my neck. Yes folks, it's a Prozac Night!! If only I had some...

I ask you, how many times have I sworn not to log off, only to do so and regret it later?? Tonight was Stephanie's school's 'Skate Night' at the local roller-skating rink. Since we have been trapped indoors for days now (due to ice storms) I was in a weakened mental state when Steph approached me with "Mom, I promise not to whine if..." I mean, what part of THAT clue did I not see coming up 6th Avenue??? So, I agreed to take her. How was it, I ask you, that I forgot the place would be PACKED with elementary school aged kids??? Didn't I learn my lesson two weeks ago at the movie field trip?? Apparently NOT!

At one point some kid asked Stephanie who I was and she answered "Oh, she's the one who makes me clean my room." Excuse me? Wouldn't "Meet my Mom" have been sufficient?? Sheesh! The only good thing that came of this entire evening is that I found out (much to Steph's chagrin) that tomorrow is report card day. Who's laughing NOW?? Of course, Steph made me stay until the last minute so I could try to get my shoes on, etc...with about a gazillion kids in the same locker area. I am down to my last thin nerve here.

We stopped at KFC to get the Last Supper at Steph's request. I couldn't argue as the house is mostly burger bag heaven and I felt that at least I should make it obvious to anyone who might stop by that we eat a well rounded variety of meals. Steph actually cleaned the remnants of dinner off the table after we ate. I can't WAIT to see this report card!!!

Feb. 7

As a parent, one can always tell what a report card says before even looking at it. Case in point; At exactly 2:58pm this afternoon, Steph came through the door (no dawdling with Brendon today). "Hi Mom!" she said, as she took off her shoes and PLACED them by the door (where shoes used to be placed before they started piling up there). She then came over to kiss me hello and went straight to her room to hang up her jacket. This is a departure from the usual dumping of the backpack, jacket and stuff in a pile inconvenient for anyone trying to enter or leave the house. She was in her room longer than it usually takes to come out and ask if she can go to Brendan's to do homework. Knowingly suspicious, I asked her what she was doing. She emerged from her room carrying her laundry bucket and placed it in front of the washer.

I said "Isn't it report card day?" and she replied "Yes, but I wanted to put my laundry out for you." I asked her to show me her report card. She suggested I throw her laundry in the washer while she went to get it. What the heck are they teaching these kids in 3rd grade?? I went into the kitchen, took the musty towels out of the washer (there they are...and I had been looking for them in the dryer all these weeks!!) and threw them on the floor and loaded and started the washer for her. She did not come out of her room with the report card until she heard the washer start. Weasel. Anyway, we met on the couch. Since this is a parenting thing, I had to give it my full attention (and, truthfully, the server was down due to flooding....how convenient). She got three awards, and reasonable grades. Not good enough to get me to do laundry, mind you, but not so bad that she has to live on the terrace either.

Her biggest news was that she shot 16 baskets into a regulation hoop in 1 minute for her school shoot-a-thon. She got credited for 18 because all the kids participating get a 2 basket credit. I had to smile because I know her dad sponsored her at $5/basket...$90. Moral? Never EVER pledge a kid based on how cute they are :)

Feb. 8

The rains here have been pretty heavy. In fact, my fair city was flooded and the most awesome ISP in the world, Teleport, warned us all that they could go down at any minute due to the flooding. They also asked us to stay off-line so emergency workers could get calls through. I tried, really I did... The jones would get a grip on me and I would briefly log on to check my email. I had other worries though...

The rains were so heavy that they soaked through all of my window and door frames. Not only do I have wet walls, but I have soaking carpets!! So wet, in fact, that the mushrooms have loosened up in the living room. Of course, I had plenty of time to consider cleaning, but I left it at just that. OK, I picked a few mushrooms off the carpet and started moving files (AKA The Mother of ALL Paper Piles) away from the sliding glass door to drier carpet when I discovered that the bottom two inches of files were soaked. So much so that the stuff on the bottom was unrecognizable mush (like it's cousin, the former boxes on the terrace). Bag that project!!. I now have piles of papers, documents, bills, etc...all over the house. Some cleanup project!!

As if this wasn't bad enough, apparently Steph had to wade through knee-high mud to get home. Did she take everything off at the door and drop it in a pile like she does every OTHER day?? Noooooo! She tracked it in about 9 feet to say "Hi Mom, how was your day?" Just peachy, Steph...

Feb. 9

The day after...no, nothing is drier. The sun is shining, fortunately, but that is about it. Like I need to see in bright light just how miserable this place is getting. It even gets to me, but I just keep my eyes focused on the screen and it all fades into background blur. I have had to wear shoes indoors since a considerable portion of my carpet is squishy and it soaks right through my socks. After the 'designs' Steph tracked in yesterday I doubt there is much I can add to the carpet wearing shoes. As a creature of habit, I have always taken my shoes off at the door to keep from getting the carpets dirty, but that was a life of the past. Now I don't care, as I haven't even SEEN my vacuum cleaner in about 4 months.

Kevin (the maint. guy) stopped by to fix the garbage disposal that mysteriously ground to a halt earlier this week. I can't quite describe the look on his face when he came in, but the shining sun was no help, as it illuminated all sorts of things (like the left over CO2, my coffee art on the wall, the myriad of cobwebs on the ceiling, et al...) but I shrugged if off saying "Yesterday was a Hell-day" and quickly asked about the garbage disposal. Of course, all my dishes, etc...are piled on the counter (have been for months) but that just looked like a result of the clogged drain. I'm not even going to tell you what he found in the disposal, suffice to say that it is fixed now and as he was leaving he said "Well, at least you can do your dishes now." Oh yeah, sure thing Kevin...I'll get right to it!!

Feb. 10

Yesterday was an interesting day. Aside of the drain in the kitchen sink being fixed, nothing else got done (well, Hey! Don't wait for ME to do anything around here!). I had a Bachelorette party to go to. I should also add that I had a conflict of interest, as I also had a date (my first one in a very long time). This was good and this was bad...On one hand, I was able to do both activities and that was the good part. See, after the dinner the ladies were all going to go see The Men of Paradise... YICK!!! No thanks!! Say what you want, but I do not find entertainment in that sort of thing. So, having a valid excuse (my first date in a Dog's Age), I was able to get out of that situation without much hassle. I excused myself at 10pm and went to meet my 'date'.

The BAD part was...well, the date was a very nice date. I enjoyed his company and everything seemed to go smoothly UNTIL...yep, you guessed it, "Let's go back to your place." MY PLACE???? Oh, sh*t...how do I explain THIS one?? Now mind you, I am not the type of girl to take someone home ANYWAY, but it doesn't help when one says "Well, I wasn't expecting to have company...my place is not prepared to receive guests." This, no matter HOW cordial one is trying to sound comes out like "No, You're a Loser and I never want to see you again." UGH! What a dilemma! There is no way to clean this place (short of a bulldozer) in the event that he ever calls me again, which I doubt will happen, since he seemed very put off by my insistence that it was the condition of my home, and not him, that was the cause for my refusal. Of course, I can only date people without access, as anyone who ever reads my pages or has access to them would have to be nuts to want to date me anyway. I think I am destined to have a solitary existence (well, Steph lives here, of course, but that is only until she can move out! Guaranteed company for the next 9 years, unless she graduates early). I wonder if I should get a dog. A dog might run away....

Feb. 11

I am not returning my pages to the normal color. I am continuing to protest the CDA and that is all there is to it.

With that rant out of the way, this morning I went into the kitchen to make coffee. No coffee. Damn. I may have to go to the store. The laundry is piling up again (OK, it continues to pile up, but the thing is now I can't wash it if I want to because we have Flood waters...if it's not one thing, it's another around here). Anyway, while I was in the kitchen, I dropped something on the floor and when I reached down to get it, something green under the counter caught my attention. Upon closer inspection I discovered that on of my avocado pits has started GROWING!! As in, actual plant!!

Since my favorite ISP was having news server problems and an extended System Maint. this morning, I took the time to transplant my new found friend. I scraped some mud prints off the carpet and put them into a glass on the counter and put the pit/plant into that. I think it should be very happy there. I know I am. One less footprint to vacuum up (if I ever get around to it) and one less glass to wash :)

Feb. 12

I am not too sure how to read TODAY'S logoff omen. It is a gorgeous sunny day, warm, everything one would want the weather to be after a flood. I get ready to go to work. I am ready to go out the door and the door will not open. I tried everything. I am locked IN! Now I find this unbelievable, as I have just had my lock 'fixed' last week after Steph's Bright Idea. So I call down to the office and tell them I am locked in. The girl answering the phone says, "Well, turn the deadbolt to unlock." HELLO!!! I have lived here for 4+ years, I am well aware of how to operate the damned locks, by all appearances the door is unlocked yet I AM LOCKED IN! Can we send someone up to get me out?? Sheesh!

Two minutes later...Kevin (I want to point out here that Jeremy, the other maint. guy, never makes an appearance at my home) comes up to the door. Good luck, as one has to be on the inside to get at the screws to take it off. I open the window and he talks me through this (Like I need help operating a screwdriver...I only needed the screwdriver, thank you!) and I get the doorknobs off. This is not the problem, however, as the actual lock part is jammed into my door frame. It took us about 20 minutes to get the thing out of the door, since extended, the whole piece is longer than the hole made in the door to hold it in place. Laws of engineering aside, we got it out and Kevin took off with all the parts. He was back in 10 minutes with a new doorknob assembly for my front door. It is all shiny and new, and looks out of place here. While he was installing the new assembly, Kevin made a comment about being here so much in the last couple of weeks...yeah, what's up with that?? In 4+ years I have seen the maint. crew twice, now in the last two weeks there have been 5 incidents... Hmmmnnnn.....

Feb. 13

How many times have I sworn not to log off?? AARRGH!! Today was yet another beautiful sunny day. So beautiful that I was really aware of how dirty my car was. See, in all this flooding/landslide business there is a lot of mud on the roads and as I drive through it, well, the car gets even dirtier. Between the ice two weeks ago and the floods last week, my windshield wipers have been ground to nothing useful, so trying to squirt the washers and use the wipers just smeared mud across my windshield. So, in a breach of Gig-Neglecting, I decided to wash the car. I mean, it wasn't that I WANTED to, it was a matter of safety.

OK, so here I am, minding my OWN BUSINESS with a bucket of water, a sponge and a hose washing my car in my parking lot. No big deal, right? WRONG!! Guess who decides to take a cruise through at this Kodak Moment but the local police. Not that I notice, since I am preoccupied, until he pulls up behind me, puts on the lights AND hits that annoying noise thing!! After I crawled back into my skin and collected my wits, I asked "Can I help you?" He informed me that we are having a water shortage, conserving as though we have drought conditions and WROTE ME A CITATION FOR WASHING MY CAR!!!!

Can you say ballistic? Pantywaist! I went NUCLEAR!!! I mean, excuse me, but is this the same law enforcement agency that tried to cite me for a dirty car?? YOU BET!! I was beyond livid. I mean, I wasn't even given a chance to negotiate my way out of this (after all, claiming ignorance IS the American Way!), so I saw no repercussions from expressing myself via expletives strung like pearls. I may have been certifiable at that moment, and certainly looked like Cruella DeVille screeching at the top of my lungs, but for $120. you can be damned sure I was going to give my fair share of abuse. Hell, I paid for it and he damned sure earned it!!! I think I may have scared him a bit though, but it was not undeserved. Not for nuthin' but aren't there REAL crimes he should be handling??? Sheesh! I'm still not over this one...Now if some cop pulls me over for a dirty car I am just going to show him my citation and say "Hey, whaddaya WANT from me???

Feb. 14

This is the day when MOST people express their undying affections for each other. Me, I choose to express my undying gratitude that I don't have another body to pick up after, cook for, et al... (after all, KIDS can be trained!!). Besides, who needs a bouquet of flowers when one has a decorative array of mushrooms on her carpet??

Well, my joy in the bouquet of mushrooms was short lived. One of my neighbors, Mary, came by to 'introduce' us to her new golden retriever puppy, Teddy. Since Steph and I are 'dog people', we were happy to have a vibrant happy puppy jumping all over us excitedly, the way puppies do. Teddy was so happy to be welcomed to our home that she decided to mark her territory. In the kitchen? NO! On the carpet, where the floor is already damp and musty from the flood rains! She didn't waste any time either, as she left about three 'marks' in the time it took me to ask "So, when did you get her?"...that was the three I noticed. Lord knows we are going to have to start wearing baggies on our feet instead of socks here...Sheesh!

Feb. 15

Today was a gorgeous day, about 71f and sunny. To an Oregonian, that is bikini weather! Well, to THIS Oregonian anyway... OK, so my usual MO here is to take the first few sunny days we get and build the no tan lines base, but the PGE guys have that figured out already. I am not too sure what they were working on up that pole all day, but that truck/cherry picker was out there from sun-up to 4pm. Of course, since it is my first time in months that I have thought about tanning, a few things have changed. Let's see....

First, I rediscovered the carpet issue. Teddy's visit will be long remembered. I grabbed a box of baking soda and poured it in various spots on the carpet. Let's hope it works...at least to get the smell out. Speaking of smells, with the nice weather I opened all the windows. The garbage smell from before Steph's coup was seriously losing out to the new musty carpet smell. Now the scents in the home are localized, not ubiquitous. The bad part was that when I made it across the carpet to the terrace door, I was reminded of the Beer Box Mush and the many bottles, as well as our big wind storm of Dec. 12. YIKES!!

So, here I am, in my bathing suit, holding my PowerBook and long cord and what do I see? My terrace, in all it's glory, with the grinning PGE guys in the background. I surveyed the damage and decided that I would just bag the idea of tan-line-less sunbathing and take the PowerBook with me down to the pool. No, the cord doesn't reach, but the batteries are charged after that last fiasco and I can lose any tan lines in a day. Besides, I can't seem to find my lounge chair. Last time I looked, it was out on the terrace....

Feb. 16

I'd almost say TGIF, but I would be speaking too soon. I got a bunch of stuff (as in work, but that IS my least favorite 4-letter word) done and took up my buddy's offer to meet him at the gym. Now mind you, I am not a big fan of the gym because (in my opinion) there is this whole culture of people who go there to pick up on potential future-ex-insignificant-others. I mean, why would a girl go there wearing a full face of make-up with her hair sprayed in place and those little matching butt-cleaving thing things with matching accessories? Or for that fact, why do the guys mousse/gel their 'do's into place while wearing those stupid pseudo-tank tops that show off their massive rippling muscles? Given the opportunity, I can do reps of 12 oz. curls, but only 'til I pass out.

Anyway, I said I'd go, so I did. I grabbed the last pair of sweats that I had in the drawer (read; clean) and threw on reasonably comfortable gear. Since I knew I was low on 'comfort clothes', I threw some soap in the washer, turned it on and left. I mean, Hey! It's not like one has to watch the washing machine... Time to reconsider that theory! When I came home, my kitchen was FULL of soap bubbles!! I mean, we're talking like the old Little Rascals shows...I thought stuff like this only happened on TV! Apparently not... See, I forgot that I have put soap into the machine about 4-5 times intending to turn it on, but have spaced doing so every time, so this afternoon I guess I just added more fuel to the fire, so to speak. Fortunately, there was a pile of towels on the floor (awaiting their chance at cleanliness) and I just swabbed the floor with them under my feet. On the positive side, at least all that fire extinguisher stuff is off the floor now....

Feb. 17

Well, there's gig neglecting, and then there is GIG NEGLECTING. 2/17/96 was a biggie!! I got so wrapped up in surfing that I completely spaced updating my page!! Sorry folks....if it is any consolation, you can be sure that I did NOT vacuum, dust, or scrub the kitchen floor (what's left of it). The bathrooms are taking on that cheery pink tone from whatever microorganism is living in the Oregon waters (what IS that stuff anyway?? I can tell the difference between the mold and the toothpaste because the toothpaste is gel green).

I got so caught up in reading new journals and, get this, Ross Jeffries on-line, that I lost track of time (until my server went down for weekly system maint. at 2am). I have to say, it was an enlightening experience!! All I can say about ol' Ross is guys, if you believe this crap he's selling you for $695.00, then yes, I AM polishing my silver while I update my pages!!! Sheesh!

Feb. 18

Well, as you are aware, I only just discovered that I forgot to update yesterday. I gig-neglected for a while to go over to a friend's house to help get his system up and running (oh yeah, and I'm a BIG help!!!) and familiarize him with the WWW. I got completely frustrated because I couldn't get his system to telnet to Teleport (to show him what a pathetic ISP he is on). I can telnet from any OTHER system I use to get to my account, but this one seems to be locked up like those other huge commercial providers (no names mentioned here). So I bypassed all that and just got up onto NetScape and took him to my page (see, I figured it would be an easy way to explain why he can't come over here for a beer). That's when I discovered that I hadn't updated yesterday. I had to cut the session short, but as I left him he was looking at me with that sort of bewildered look that said 'too bad, I'm gonna have to lose her phone number'. Hey, it's not like I have time to date anyway, I've got surfin' to do!!!

Feb. 19

This may be a holiday for some, but not for me. I had things to do today and this required that I get dressed and go out. I wish I could just live in sweats (Oh yeah!! I still have to put them in the dryer...). Anyway, I get dressed, I go out, I come back. I stopped at the Drycleaners to get more clothes. That whippersnapper behind the counter asked me snidely "What, did you get a life on us?? We haven't seen you in weeks!" Just gimme my clothes Waldo...like I need to log off to take crap off some ...oh, never mind. If only they knew, but I was not about to explain. I KNOW my email is backing up! See, I get this really odd 'twitch' after being off-line about 4 hours....

Anyway, I come home, drape the clothes over the sofa, kick off the heels (yes, the shoe pile IS growing!!) and walk over to the PowerBook to log on. OUCH!! I stepped on a hardened cake of baking soda which ripped right through my pantyhose. Where the Hell are my socks??? I don't have time or energy to vacuum that mess up, so I just started my logon process and scavenged through the shoe pile for my socks. I feel MUCH better, thank you!!!

Feb. 20 (Mardi Gras)

Oh yeah, we're partying here!! Hardly... Tomorrow Lent begins, and like all good Catholics (and some bad but repenting Catholics) I am giving much consideration to what I am going to give up for Lent. For 40 days I have to abstain from something I enjoy. LOSE THAT THOUGHT RIGHT NOW!!! I heard you, you were saying "Log off..." I'd break THAT vow before I even got my ashes!! No, it has to be realistic, so I have to think hard.... There is no way I can give up smoking. Drinking (that was my failed New Year's Resolution, as I was out New Year's DAY drinking....) Hmmnn... let's see..... (This has been a rolling thought all day, by the way). I doubt I'll be able to make it 40 days without cursing (traffic does THAT to me). Chocolate?? Are you NUTS?? I'm a girl, that's necessary once a month!!

This reminds me of a joke, but I don't think I should tell it on the Net. Hmmnnn...you know, this may be semantics, but I could give up cleaning. See, I used to enjoy that (like, within the last year, before I was jacked in). Then again, I used to enjoy dating as well....This is going to be tougher than I thought!! All this pondering is giving me a headache. Maybe if I do laundry tonight I can go to the drycleaners and I'll have enough clothes to make it through Lent. I LIKE clean clothes...Yeah, that's it, I'll give up doing laundry!! No, wait, that means I'll have to do laundry right now.... Forget it. I'll just take some aspirin and think a little longer... I should come up with something :)

Feb. 21 (Ash Wednesday)

Well, my decision was made for me. I am now convinced that God works in mysterious ways.

This morning I threw all of my pantyhose in the washer and logged on. I figured I would start small, as I had a few other things to wash before I went to get my ashes. I had my coffee, read some email, and then noticed that the washer had stopped. I went to transfer the hosiery from the washer to the dryer (after dumping the towels on the floor, since a bunch of other stuff is on top of the dryer) but NO!!! The pantyhose had knotted up and were twisted around the agitator. Hmmnn... OK, I got a butter knife (AKA screwdriver in my home). I started to pry the agitator top off. No luck. I couldn't undo the knotted hose, and there was no way I was going to take scissors to them (Hey! Support hose aren't cheap!!). Since my toolbox consists of various knives and a 10oz. hammer (yes, every girl has a 10oz. hammer...we need them to hang things on the walls!), started gathering things I could work with. There was no way I was going to put in a call to Kevin, as this would be highly suspicious (let's face it, 6 calls in two weeks, looks like I want a date or something!), so I decided to attend to the washer myself.

Well, after about 15 minutes, I had all sorts of parts on the floor, including (but not limited to) washers, rings, agitator, black grease all over everything and parts I do not know the name of. I knew I had timed out. I was pissed. Then I realized, this was God's way of saying he approved of my choice to abandon laundry and clean clothes in repentance!! Either that, or he doesn't want me dating or working....maybe all three!! I'd have to conclude this is a Divine Sign to surf for 40 days straight!! Life is good :)

Feb. 22

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....where have I heard THIS before??? Where do I begin?? I had a relatively productive day (once I got over figuring out what I was going to wear to go out and purchase more pantyhose) but then I had to go downtown. I believe everyone in Portland with a car was parking downtown at the same time I had to. I know this has nothing to do with Gig-Neglecting, but dammit it pissed me off. I mean, I go into the parking garage, drive around for 32 minutes (in a line behind countless other cars) going all the way up and then all the way down and I get to the pay booth and this woman is going to ring me up like I PARKED! I said, "Excuse me, but there was no parking." She said "I know." I said "Well, I wish I had known that a half hour ago." And she said "Shit happens." "SHIT HAPPENS????" I WAS PISSED!! I mean, this is not the apologetic response for inconveniencing me and wasting my time I consider appropriate. After taking my chances in a Loading Zone, I got out of town as fast as I could...

As if this wasn't bad enough, after a long exasperating day of taking crap off random a**holes, I come home to log onto my beloved PowerBook and NADA. As in nothing. Zilch, zippo, blank, no life whatsoever. Naturally, I freaked!! You know, I thought I had no life, but tonight confirmed that!! I mean I have NO LIFE!! Especially without the computer! I wandered around the house aimlessly just looking at things. No, I didn't CLEAN, dust or straighten anything, I just plain wandered until my phone rang. The PHONE!! I called Jeff and whined for about three minutes incoherently and he told me to calm down. Yeah, that was then...this is now!! I am currently updating on Jeff's PowerBook while mine is in 40 pieces ( Say a prayer for me and the PowerBook....PLEASE!!!)

Feb. 23

Well, Jeff is my hero, as I am back on-line. At least that is the good news. I didn't lose anything important, but I gained a little insight from the whole experience. I realized I have no life. Well, I already knew this, but the problem was that when I had no computer, I also had no identity, no direction, no CLUE!!! I mean, what could I do?? The phone rang a few times and I talked to people who were snidely commenting that they were surprised that I wasn't on-line (of course, that brought me to tears and they all canned that crappy behavior at once!).

Today when I woke up I was happy to see the PowerBook and said good morning to it. No more taking my access for granted! I cleaned each and every key and the track ball and treated it to the equivalent of a PowerBook Spa Treatment. I hope it is happy. We spent the whole day together. Since I was treated to rain, sleet, hail, snow AND sunshine today, I figured it was a great day to stay in and bond with my best friend. Maybe after 40 days of being apart on the kitchen floor the washing machine will get a hint and stop eating my foundations....

Feb. 24

Today I woke up with a very sore throat. I have had a sore throat for days (starting THU from my wailing, no doubt) and becoming progressively worse. This morning it was absolutely unbearable. Of course, this was aggravated further by people calling me on the phone and wanting to chat with me. It never ceases to amaze me that when people call they persist with conversation. Not for nuthin', it was obvious I couldn't talk, yet the various callers insisted on making me talk. By the 4th call I unplugged the bedroom extension and burrowed deep under the covers. Steph, the ever sensitive and wonderful child that she is, said "Don't worry Mom, you get some rest and I'll just make myself a sandwich." Sounded innocent enough to me.

Around noon there were now people coming to my door for various reasons, including (but not limited to) selling candy bars, newspaper subscriptions, voting ballot petitions, etc... In spite of Steph telling them I was sick, they ALL insisted she get me up for their agenda. Sheesh!! By the third 'visit' Steph said "What part of GO AWAY don't you understand??" and slammed the door. She came into my room to ask me if it was just today or do people get progressively more stupid with each passing day? Damn, this kid is perceptive!! She said she was housebound and wanted to go over to Ayaka's to play, so I said OK. Then I got out of bed. I figured, as long as there is no rest for the weary, I might as well check my email.

Of course, you can imagine my thrill when I discovered the jelly all over the kitchen counter, as well as the crumbs and blobs of jelly on the floor over by Steph's computer. Not like I'm going to DO anything about it, just noticing. I logged on figuring at least no one will be able to call me and I can give my throat a rest. So far, so good. In my weakened state I certainly can't be expected to DO anything around here, so it looks like I am going to have to order dinner and have it delivered. I love being on the Net...there are so many perks to being jacked in. No one ever puts you on hold...the order just goes right through and half hour later it is here.... :)

Feb. 25

You know, I'm still sick. I have not been able to talk all day. Not that this has stopped my phone from ringing and people talking to me. Oh no....it's like they think I'm faking it and want to catch me singing or something. Hmmnn...that gives me an idea (as I have heard myself sing...). So, you can be sure I didn't do a damned thing all day. it was beautiful and sunny and I spent the entire day at facing the screen (though I was busily editing work off-line, that's why the damned phone was ringing). I need to learn to ignore the phone. It's not like I am going to get a date or anything. Ed McMahon would just knock on the door if it was a $10,000,000. thing. Ha! Imagine HIS surprise if AFP came to MY door with cameras!! It hurts my throat to laugh...

Anyway, Steph gave me the old "I'm bored" speech today. I told her I'm sure she'd find hours of excitement trying to locate all the dishes, cups and flatware hidden in the living room. I try to make games out of these projects, like a scavenger hunt. I give her a list of items I am too busy to look for and the prize for finding plates, forks, etc... is dinner. Sadly, she has caught on to this ploy (the kid is not stupid). She said she'd rather go to Brendon's, thank you. Oh well...she'll get hungry soon enough...

Feb. 26

Updating my journal is the only way I know what day it is. Used to be I just turned the page (in my itinerary from my old 'road days'), but this is an electronic page, so no turning, just scrolling back. The 26th already, eh? Sheesh...I was made aware of this a bit earlier though when the mailman came to my door with a bag full of mail. It seems I haven't emptied the mailbox in a while, and he was a bit perturbed by this, as he couldn't get any more mail stuffed in there. I told him when he stopped delivering bills and started delivering cheques I'd be down there more regularly :) I don't think he appreciated my humor. There IS a fine line between gruntled and disgruntled...

OK, so I sort of recuperated enough to move away from the PowerBook, although it didn't take long for the regrets to set in. I made coffee, (a very 'adult' variety that a reader sent to me :) and when I went to the fridge to get the milk I discovered that Steph had not replaced the top to the jelly very securely. Not that this would have been a big deal, except the last time she pushed the milk back in the fridge she knocked over the jelly and it has glommed all over everything. YICK!! Retrieving a bagel was not going to be an easy trick, so I went without breakfast today. That was just the start!! I am also officially out of clothes (I can't wear roses to work :) I pulled it together enough to get some slacks and a sweater together to go out and get more pantyhose, but this definitely messed up my morning cha-cha!! Hmmnn...and the Cosmic Muffin said today would be an 8!!!

Feb. 27

Thank God I am back on-line!! It has been a harrowing five hours, to say the least!! It all started when Steph came home from school BEAMING because she came in overall second place in the school basketball shoot-a-thon (18 regulation baskets in one minute, remember?? NEVER sponsor this kid for BIG $$$!!) and her achievement prize was a $50 gift certificate to Toys-R-Us. For any parents out there, you know that this sort of thing can't wait...worse than the marathon drive to anywhere (are we there yet???) is the "can we GO NOW???" Of course I knew I wouldn't be able to get anything done on-line, so I figured the sooner we got it over with, the sooner I'd get back. In fantasyland maybe!!

Ever been to Toys-R-Us?? When I die and go to Hell it will be Toys-R-Us 11pm Dec.24th, this I am sure of, but for the most part it is a place to be avoided year round, especially with a child. I figured she could buy one or two things and that's it, outta there, right?? NOOOOoooo!! Stephanie had to touch/feel/inspect EVERY SINGLE ITEM for sale in the STORE!!! Of course I had only one thin nerve when I went IN there... after two hours it was getting down to me wondering if she'd even notice if I left (to come home and log on) and came back to get her around 11pm. Seeing that she was going to spend every dime tonight, I decided to hurry the process... I negotiated for her to buy one of those toy hammocks for stuffed animals that basically keeps them all in one place (the ceiling). She went for it, as well as various Goosebump books, a floating thing for the pool, a board game, small stuff...she spent $49.91...at least I am confident that she has her math down....

Oh no, the adventure is not over YET. We get home. I start my log on process, happy to be back in the presence of the PowerBook and go into Steph's room to install the toy hammock. This takes all of two minutes. I go into my room and kick off the work clothes and grab the sweats (AKA 'The Uniform') and just as I sit down to check my mailbox I hear the crash. Oh yeah, in spite of reading the instructions and warning that the hammock can only hold 30lbs (as in, NOT MEANT FOR CHILDREN, DO NOT SWING OR HANG ON HAMMOCK) Ms. Short Attention Span (AKA Stephanie) pulled some rookie maneuver (some default gene placed there by her father in the original plans when I wasn't looking) which caused the toys, the Hammock and Steph to come crashing down into the book shelves which also took out the Barbies and Breyer Horses, et al, which are now ALL over the floor! It was the tears that made me time out and stay there to help her. HEY!! I wouldn't categorize this as cleaning though, more of a 'regrouping into piles' project...

Feb. 28

OK, is it just me or do other people have these weird days as well?? The kind of day where everything around you seems like a scene out of Repo Man and you just walked through a take?? The events of the day were all a bit strange, and too numerous to count, but between strange women calling me asking who I am (excuse me, but who are you?? You called ME!!) to some really curious meetings...I won't go into it...suffice to say that the "Final Event" is transpiring as we speak...